How a Woman's Weight Fluctuates Throughout Relationships
An interesting survey, conducted by www.slendex.com pinpoints the ups and downs of women's weight throughout a relationship. The researchers keyed in on 5 stages of weight fluctuation - presented as follows;
Stage I: Dating/courtship: There was an average loss of about 5 pounds (to impress new flame, no doubt)
Stage 2: The Comfort Zone: Average weight gain 10 lbs. (more at ease in relationship and less likely to focus on weight.
Stage 3: The Big Day: Average weight loss 8 Ibs. ("brideorexia" - getting in shape for wedding.
Stage 4: Baby Boom: Average weight gain 14.3 lbs. (a time where fitness and healthy eating take a back seat to caring for little one(s).
Stage 5: The Reinvention: Average weight loss 10.4 lbs (more time on hands now that kids are in school which means more time for themselves)
Of the 3,000 women questioned, nearly 70 per cent said that their relationship was the biggest factor in their well-being and a quarter believed that they would turn their partner off if they put on a stone or two.
70 per cent admitted that they were less apprehensive about their weight and appearance when they felt content in their relationship.
Further Thoughts
It always interests me how relationships effect weight and health. These stages certainly make sense. Here's my take on relationships and weight:
I wonder what kind of weight fluctuation men in relationships experience?
It would also be interesting to see the weight difference between those in relationships and those who are single.
Regardless of relationship status, there tends to be an upward swing in weight from the age of 25 to the tune of 3% fat mass per decade, with a corresponding 3-5% loss in muscle tissue.
It's a little sad that there are such a large proportion of women who believe their partner would be turned off if they gain weight.
Although... (I tread very lightly here)
Whether we are talking women or men, I have a problem when I hear of people "letting themselves go" after marriage. To use myself as an example (sounds less deprecating), if I were to gain weight (I'm not talking a pound or two - more like 25-30), sure I would expect my partner to love me regardless, HOWEVER, I would also expect her to be annoyed. Annoyed primarily that I am compromising my health, but also annoyed at the lack of respect for her. What message would I be sending her if I didn't care how I looked? It is a direct slight to that person, in my opinion.
All that said, there are "good ways" and "not-so-good ways" to broach such issues.
Have you noticed a fluctuation in weight while in a relationship? Do you think relationships are ultimately good or bad for the waistline?
Source: Telegraph
"t's a little sad that there are such a large proportion of women who believe their partner would be turned off if they gain weight."
I'd say more -- realistic.
You can't really control physical attraction. If your partner was attracted to you in a certain way, it is fundamentally unfair to expect that not to change if you drastically do.
And it is disgustingly unfair to your partner to "let yourself go" etc-- part of being a good partner in a relationship is being your best-- that includes physically.
ReplyExcellent points Heather - like how you put things.
ReplyI wouldn't bother getting married to someone unless both of us vowed to love each other unconditionally. Of course, this takes enormous effort because people are naturally attracted to certain shapes and looks. But only this, in my opinion, is where a truly beautiful relationship occurs, where complete trust is only possible, where all envy evaporates. I think about my wife, and yeah, she frustrates me sometimes. For instance, she gets up really early and thinks I'm lazy if I don't do the same. But I take a step away from the situation and confirm that she is a glorious part of the universe. On a grand scale, her "annoying" aspects are kind of cute and make her interesting. There's people who enjoy getting up at 5 am and people who enjoy getting up at noon. Personally, I"m glad the world is as diverse as it is. And I accept myself, too, for wishing my wife would stay up later- because I'm glad people and human relationships throughout time have aspects of frustration, pain, anger, hurt. The story of mankind is beautiful with all these aspects. My wife and myself have a relationship with all these feelings, too. With big issues or fights, it's impossible for me to value them, but when I look at our relationship through the years, it's the greatest thing that has allowed me to grow. My happiness is so much higher as a result- far more than if we never had arguments and my wife never bothered me to get up earlier.
ReplyFor me, the same thing goes for weight.
I must say, though, I'm terrible for knowing what people weigh. Apparently, two mths into our relationship my wife gained 35 pounds. The only way I know is because some of her clothes don't fit anymore. She says she gained weight BECAUSE she has tried too hard to loose. It seems plausible when you consider that the most obese country and the country that spends the most of dieting products is one and the same... and I"ve known other people who diet all the time, and they tend to be larger.
I don't mean to lecture though- at least that wasn't my intent. I am aware that not everyone has the same idea of what they want in a relationship, nor should they be expected to. A few of my friends really do want a girl pretty much for sex, so why would they strive to love her unconditionally? If I was in their shoes, it'd be too much effort.
yes, i've lost at least 5 lbs since my last relationship. mainly from eating in restaurants less often and not being surrounded by "man food" (IHOP breakfasts, chicken wings, white pasta, chips and dip, etc). there's a study that shows that on average, men lose weight while in committed relationships while women gain weight.
i know i put more pressure on myself to be thin than anyone else does. like the author stated, i fully expect my significant other to love and respect me just as much IF i were to ever gain weight. but at the same time, i realize that i owe it to myself (and to him) to stay the same woman with whom he fell in love. there's never an excuse for either party in a relationship to let themselves go.
ReplyI don't ever plan on "letting myself go", even though I've been married for 3 years. I want my husband not just to love me, but to be turned on by my body. I never gained the 10 comfort pounds or did the brideorexia thing. Mostly, I've just focused on my health as much as possible and I do it for ME, not my husband.
What really irks me are women who diet/work out to get a man, then as soon as they're in a relationship, they chuck it all out the window and gain a bunch of weight. And they're surprised when their boyfriend leaves them.
Reply"there's a study that shows that on average, men lose weight while in committed relationships while women gain weight"
I'd love to see that one. In my experience, and I know this is just speaking anecdotally, that's not true. Most happy married guys I know have all got that contented slightly heavier than before look (though most are not really overweight) - less time at the gym and more time at home I presume.
ReplySpectra, I think that you've hit the nail on the head - if you are doing it for you and to be the best you can be (ie healthy and yeah sexy) - then you are less likely to experience the weight swings than if you are just doing it to get someones approval or for an arbitrary date (ie your wedding).
ReplyJust consider another view. Men are visual, women more provider oriented. If the man becomes less and less of a good provider, I suspect there will be some bags being packed :-)
ReplyActually, I think that happens a lot...women decide to divorce their husbands if they happen to meet someone richer or if their husband's income decreases significantly. I know a woman who left her boyfriend after she found out that he owed $50K in back child support and was getting laid off from his job soon...it had nothing to do with his looks, that's for sure.
ReplyI presume it was less a financial motive for leaving than it was her noticing his lack of moral obligation to his own children. (Child support is for the children, after all, not the adult ex.) If my husband becomes financially irresponsible, lazy or immoral, I'm out of here. However, if he is just falling on hard times because of bad luck, it is OUR bad luck... we're in this marriage together.
ReplyI agree with you Kelly. It's one thing for a woman to leave because her husband innocently fell on hard times. It's another to leave a man who is a proven deadbeat dad whose financial obligations would start to drag HER down once he lost his job too. That is pretty severe to expect any woman (or man) to willingly accept such a precarious financial situation that only got that way because of his immoral behavior to begin with.
ReplyTrue, he was being very deceptive with his money. But to me, that's not really much different than a woman eating healthy/following a healthy lifestyle during the courtship phase of a relationship and then showing her true colors once she's engaged/married/whatever and gaining a bunch of weight. Just like you should be honest with your financial life, you should be honest about your health as well.
ReplyMy husband has gained probably 15-20 lbs since we met, which he attributes to having a desk job (when we met, we were in college and he was a lot more active) and my cooking. He used to eat lots of really random bachelor food...some days he'd go all day without eating and then eat 3 big bowls of cereal and milk for dinner. Now that he gets real food, he's definitely put on a little bit. Not enough that I can really notice, but I try to encourage him to be active and I try to cook healthy stuff for him. I know that he wants to stay healthy and look good for me, so I figure I may as well do what I can to help him with that.
ReplyUuuhhhhh, I don't know about you but having a 2 and 4 year old (with a condition) AND being poor is a work-out/calorie burner in and OF itself for me.
I have never been this thin, seen my clavicles, or had such defined biceps EVER in my life!!!
Kids help me stay under 200, Thank-God!!
ReplyI'm with you Leslie. I have three under three and I weight less now than I did when I graduated from college. I dropped 15 lbs alone after the birth of my third son (below my pre-pregnancy weight).
Who has time to eat with little kids running around?
Replythird kid I mean. No disrespect to my lovely daughter :) [We also don't get much sleep in my house]
ReplyTHANK-YOU, Jennifer!!!
Finally, someone who understands!
Tell me about it, who does have time to eat (or the money) with small children? Stitting down?
Fuggedaboutit! The most I EVER get to sit down is like 10 minutes.
Add that my computer is broken and my internet shut-off (slowly dying inside) and I have to walk 30 minutes to (and from) the library while rigging a baby and toddler stroller together b/c I don't have cash to buy a double stroller and the kids weigh about 120 pounds combined!
If that's not a calorie burning, muscle building workout, nothing is.
And no, I can't drive, my car broke down (transmission=massive amounts of $$$) and can't get it legal until I have 1,000 extra dollars!!
Yaay, my life!
>:(
ReplyOH!!
It also helps if you have to quit your job to stay at home with your kids (one with a condition as mentioned above) and the only source of income comes form a Husband who never finished High School and doesn't get paid a lot.
Whomever said starving yourself doesn't work must not have the genetical make-up for it b/c believe me ..that sh*t works for me wether I want it to or not!!
:( and a little :)
ReplyI think I'm in stage 1 right now. Eek!
ReplyI was actually a lot chubbier when I met my husband, but my weight settled down to a more natural number a few years into the relationship. I've also lost weight since we were married, though I'm pregnant now and trying not to max out on the recommended weight gain. It's harder to take it off than it is to put it on, they say! My husband, on the other hand, has definitely put on some weight. He's still skinny, but definitely not as skinny as before. I doubt he'd have a problem with my putting on weight, considering I was heavier when I met him, and I don't much care if he puts on weight. I don't see either of us getting fat, since that doesn't run in our families, but if we did...who knows. Neither of us is superficial like that.
ReplyAs I do my Ditch-diets, live light workshops I get people to plot their weight, passion for life and body worry lines on a graph and there's a fascinating correlation that you can't help noticing.
Phase 1: I'm head over heels - my passion is high - my weight goes down.
Stage 2: My passion dies down a bit - my weight goes up
Stage 3: The Big Day: Excitement over this SPECIAL day - my passion goes up -my weight goes down.
Stage 4: Baby Boom: Diapers, sleepless nights, love my little arrival, wish I had more time for myself... miss my freedom. Passion goes down, weight goes up.
Stage 5: The Reinvention: I have more time to persue new interest and hobbies, more time to do 'me' things - passion goes up, weight goes down.
ReplyOh how true this is. However, I would add one more stage. I would add the divorce stage. All the women that I know that have recently divorced, lost a significant amount of weight (some to the extent that I didn't even recognize them).
Many men, my husband included, go through the same stages as the women. When I gained pregnancy weight, he was right there with me. Now I feel that we are both in Stage 5 together. I do have to say that I have the most loving and supportive husband ever because he has loved me and found me attractive in whatever stage I happen to be in.
ReplyWow, no wonder my weight has stayed so consistent over my adult life; I'm usually chronically single!
ReplyI hate how the focus is on weight and not fitness.
ReplyThat's a good point! I agree if the focus was on fitness, the motivation might come easier, and the weight thing would just work out.
ReplyI don't believe that women lose weight at the beginning of the relationship and as the wedding approaches due to the need to impress her mate or "brideorexia". At least not for most women.
I believe the former is the result of endorphins, which cause decreased hunger, and the latter with anxiety, which causes the same. I myself have lost weight in past relationships due to endorphins, and a focuses of the mind upon my sweetheart rather than on my next meal (often missing meals).
ReplyThe "brideorexia" phenomenon does exist...1 out of 3 women orders her dress in the wrong size, hoping to fit into it by the big day. Most women want to look as good as possible for their wedding day, so they sometimes do VERY drastic things to drop a few pounds for their weddings. And if they aren't serious about keeping the weight off, many women gain the weight back after the wedding.
ReplyThat pattern totally makes sense and I have seen it time and time again with people that I know. Kinda funny I guess how our health reflects on our comfort level with our partner and how other people view us in certain situations (weddings).
ReplyGreat Post! I don't think that we really pay attention to how our weight changes in the course of a relationship. But, I really don't think a few pounds gained or a few pounds lost will make that big of a difference. It seems like the weight loss/gain numbers ranged from 5 to 10 pounds. That is not bad. Barely noticeable.
ReplyAfter I lost 40 pounds without my dh saying a word, I finally asked him why he hadn't commented on it. He was bewildered and said, "Honey, I don't care what you weight. Okay, I might be upset if you put on 100 pounds, but I love you no matter what your weight is."
ReplyWhat a sad vision of relationships many of you have! Take a note from susan! Now that is a good relationship!
Maintain a healthy weight for YOURSELF first.
I also think the "Comfort Zone" often happens for women because of the eating habits of men--my fiance, for example, grinds his way through what is probably 3500 calories a day, without gaining weight. So of course I think "If he can do that, so can I!", which, I am learning, is saaaadly untrue:(
ReplyI believe that we women in live-in relationships with men tend to cook the meals that our men want and portions are usually more than we as women can burn off. Time constraints caused by household chores can eat up the time we need for exercising. We do what woman typically do, and that is gear ourselves toward our men, making the home neat and clean, preparing fabulous meals and putting ourselves last.
ReplyI believe my body is my biggest investment ever. I can let the housework go and make time for being healthy. I can still eat the same foods as my guy just less (chew longer and talk more during a meal). Knowing that extra helping will eliminate the results of a 4-mile walk is a very good motivator to just stop eating.
Reply