SubscribeHelping Kids Have a Healthy Attitude to Body Shape
I was saddened to read how girls as young as five start thinking of fat as undesirable and skinny as good (in the Times newspaper as part of response to a question sent in by a mother who was anxious that her three year old was developing a poor body image.)
The author of the article wrote about a television series where researchers showed a series of pictures to little girls:
[The researchers] presented a group of little girls with pictures of girls of different shapes and sizes - they all evaluated the fat child the most negatively. The youngest in the group, aged 5, stated that this child "would have no friends because she was fat". This is shocking because it shows how even the very young are not immune to developing perverse values about weight and success/popularity in life.
What can you do to prevent your diet and healthy eating attempts from skewing your kids' perceptions? How can you help them grow up in our "shock skinny celebrities" culture without them thinking that being a size 0 (or, for boys, having a perfect six-pack) is ultimate success?
How to Make Sure Your Kids have a Healthy Weight AND a Healthy Body Image
If you're overweight, don't use negative words to talk about yourself and your eating habits. Don't say that you're "too fat" or criticize yourself for "having no willpower".
Be very careful if you're on a diet that you present it as "eating well" and make it clear it's about the health benefits, not looks. If possible, don't even mention that you're dieting, but if your child comments on your weight loss, say something like, "I'm getting a bit slimmer so we can run around and have lots of fun together without me getting out of breath."
If your child is overweight, don't talk about putting them on a diet. Focus on adding things in rather than cutting them out: for example, make it a goal for all family members to eat their five portions of fruit and vegetables a day.
When necessary (perhaps after teasing at school - either directed at your child, or by them towards another child), explain that everyone is different and that's what makes the world interesting. Talk about different hair color, skin color, weight, heights, abilities and likes and dislikes.
Don't buy toys or games that reinforce the cultural messages that a "perfect" body equals success in life. Buy realistic-looking dolls, not Barbies. Choose computer games carefully: some (particularly ones aimed at girls) promote messages you don't want. A game called Miss Bimbo, which encourages girls to buy plastic surgery for their character, has been roundly condemned in the media, especially by parents. (See Miss Bimbo and the Decline of Body Image here on Diet-Blog.)
What are you doing to encourage your kids (or nieces, nephews, friends' children...) to have a positive attitude towards body image?
man this terrifies me and sparks me to try and change the world
all at the same time.
ReplyI'm absolutely with you on this. I read some research that van der biljt university has seen (and I can't rememeber if it was) a 3 year old or a 4 year old girl with full blown anorexia! What messages are we giving our children when a 3-4 year old can have anorexia?
I've certainly worked with a 6 year old that had so many symptoms of an eating disorder that it was scarey. And I've been told by my 4-year old niece that she can't eat popcorn because it'll make her fat.
Now at 4 years old I don't think I'd even begun to have any idea about what foods made me fat and which didn't.
Reply4 years old? That IS sad. Heck, I didn't really know which foods would make me fat until I was like, 13 or so. Up until then, I pretty much just ate what I wanted and liked. You know, like kids are supposed to. Life is way too short for kids to be worried about their bodies so early in life. They need to grow and develop their minds AND their bodies without worrying about stuff like whether or not popcorn will make them fat.
ReplyI don't know, but being over 7 months pregnant with my first daughter, this is DEFINITELY a concern for me.
DH thinks it's not something you need to focus on preventing the cultural message, that a healthy child will develop a healthy body image, but I think he just hasn't experienced the world as a female in how it is these days! (And I had an eating disorder myself when I was a teenager, though thankfully I have a healthy body image now and don't have to worry about passing that message to my daughter!)
ReplyHeather, I agree it is a hard thing for blokes to understand! I've not got kids yet, but for the past couple of years I've been determined that when I do, I'll do my utmost to help them grow up with a healthy attitude towards food, exercise & body shape.
Good luck!
Ali
ReplyFor whatever reason, none of my sisters grew up caring much about body image...yet I did. They are so free in embracing the shapes and sizes they are, and I'm so jealous. How is it that they just plain don't care? My mother made me paranoid by pointing out my weight as a kid and they didn't get that. I grew up in body and fashion conscious NY while they grew up in a small laid back town where no one cared what you wore or what you weighed.
ReplyThis is great advice, not just for parents and their children, but for people in general. Since there is just so much ignorance placed towards body image general by people young and old.
ReplyFor the most part, it is far healthier to be underweight than overweight. Why posts like this assume the opposite?
My daughter is naturally thin, active and healthy, but overweight girls at school call her anorexic. It is them that have the unhealthy body image, not my daughter.
If it is 'ok' to be fat, then why is'nt it also 'ok' to be thin?
ReplyI'm not sure what you're talking about. This post encourages good body image, not any specific body type. Everyone should try to be healthy, and love themselves. Especially children.... And that is regardless of body size.
ReplyBeing underweight is a heck of a lot more dangerous than being overweight -- being 20lbs overweight is a problem, but it's not going to kill you tomorrow. Being 20lbs underweight COULD kill you tomorrow.
"Thin" doesn't necessarily mean "underweight", and I hope you haven't been telling your daughter that being underweight is desirable.
ReplyI agree that many kids and teens are naturally skinny, and I was trying to emphasise in the post having a healthy body image -- that certainly doesn't mean being overweight, but it does mean not TRYING to become skinnier than is natural for trying individual.
Obviously, being naturally thin is not the same as starving yourself in the hopes of becoming a size 0. But as Chicken Girl says, being 20lb underweight is more dangerous than being 20lb overweight. I'm an adult, but didn't grow any taller after the age of 14. I weigh about 112 lbs, and used to weigh rather more than 132 when I was a chubby teenager ;-) but was still reasonably healthy. If I weighed 92 lbs I'd definitely be dangerously thin.
Ali
ReplySome kids do get underweight, but as far as I know, most pediatricians DON'T consider it "healthier" than being overweight. My sister got underweight in about 4th grade due to her dexedrine that she was on for her ADD, so my mom gave her whole milk and ice cream and things like that to help her gain a little weight. Of course, it's not healthy to be overweight either, but when kids are actively growing, they really do need to be at a healthy weight so they get enough nutrients to form new bone mass and muscle tissue.
ReplyI'm someone who has always been of normal weight, and so is everyone in my immediate family. We are lucky by way of genetics. We do try to eat right and exercise but we don't particularly try to stay a certain weight...a lot of it is genetics. At times I have gone over the weight I feel best at - what I do is cut back a tiny bit and add on exercise a litte bit. And it takes a long time but I get back to the weight I feel good at.
Our culture is screwy, on the one hand we have ultra-skinny models on magazines, you can't pick up a woman's magazine without a diet article somewhere in it and on the other side we have super-sized meals.
ReplySo don't feel like a loser if you are not of average weight. 10-20 lbs either way isn't that big a deal (unless you are tiny & it is a big % of your entire weight). If your dr. tells you to lose weight because it is significant, realize you will have to work against your genetics and lose it slowly, that way it will come off. But don't feel guilty and take it slow - better to lose 1 lb month and keep it off than these quick loss diets. Little things add up. Cut out one thing and add 5 mins of exercise. Then cut one more things out and add 5 mins more of exercise. You can do it.
It's sad that body image problems begin so young. I know I started sucking my stomach in at the pool when I was six (had a little potbelly like many kids of that age). And that was before the obesity epidemic really took shape and before we learned that trans fats and HFCS were not good for you. Most actresses were stll a healthy size. So I think it would be even worse to grow up in today's culture where everyone is obsessed with nutrition and preventing obesity, while at the same time eating disorders are more prevalent than ever. Sad. I'm not sure what I would do to combat this if I had a daughter, because I still don't have a great body image and I'm sure she would pick up on that.
ReplyMost of a child's negative body image has to do with what they see at home. If they see their mom pinching their stomachs and saying "I'm a whale." They are going to do that to. If parents want their children to have a positive body image, they must have one first. Putting your child in sports or other extra curriclar activities, such as acting, enforces the belief that a person's value comes inside also. Also, eating healthy should be seen as a positive attribute. If a parent is dieting and always gaining and regaining then the child is going to have a negative and unrealistic viewpoint on eating healthy. Instead of connecting eating healthy to a normal and productive lifestyle, the child will associate eating healthy with deprivation and fallibility. If the parent's are active and healthy and stress moderation the child will naturally develop a constructive attitude towards food consumption and weight. However, if the child can not view their parents as healthy specimen, you are in essence asking your child to take opinions from people who obviously don't know what they are talking about. That is like a father who is always broke giving advice about money!
ReplyIt's a good thing if parents can set a healthy example, however, with peer pressure and so many external factors, I think it really gets down to the individual and the values they choose for themselves along the way. I have fit friends with unfit children and the opposite also. It's always a good discussion as parents, for the most part, want the best for their children.
ReplyFocus on adding things in instead of cutting things out.
That sentence is the shortest description of american values. Don't take away, just add something new!
ReplyHow about you stop talking about losing weight and start talking about staying in shape. Then do it.
ReplyTurn off the TV....as it hard to get wrapped up in self image problems emulating from modern media...if you don't pay attention to it.
ReplyYes!!!
Tim was one crazy dude, but he was right when he said "turn on, tune in, drop out".
Kind of hard to do, though.
ReplyI would agree, even early on kids can be influenced by what they see on TV and in magazines and newspapers. Even a more positive role model like Miley Cyrus and the Olsen twins have caused body controversy. Young girls already unhappy with their body (overweight or not) is a very sad thing to see.
ReplyYeah, I credit lack of TV for my healthy body image growing up. I was never aware that my body was "flawed" until I started seeing more women's bodies in the media and realized mine wasn't as great. Plus, if you don't watch TV, you usually end up doing something else that's a lot more productive. Kids are amazing...you'd be surprised to find out that your 8 year old can be a big help in the kitchen or the garage. I changed oil with my dad in our family car when I was 9 (of course, I had to use a funnel so I wouldn't spill it all over the crank case, but still) and I remember baking a cake with my sister when we were 10 and 8...it was a really ugly cake, but it was pretty yummy anyway.
ReplyGrowing up, I was always pretty ok with my body. I never thought I was really "fat" until I got into about 6th grade. The main reason that I was so naive about my body image was because I was a very "sheltered" kid. My parents did not let me watch MTV or most of the TV shows the other kids watched. They also did not let us buy unapproved music (I listened to a lot of "oldies" and classical stuff up until I was 13 or 14). Plus, we weren't allowed to see most movies (they had to be rated G or PG...PG-13 if an adult was watching it too) and we weren't allowed to read fashion magazines and we didn't have the internet or video games until I got to be about 14 or so.
My parents were also very encouraging of our very different body types. I was chunky and curvaceous and my sister was very thin. My mother never compared us or told us we were too heavy or needed to lose weight. My dad always encouraged us to play outside...riding bikes, jumping rope, walking around on tin-can stilts, going to the park, rollerskating, climbing trees, playing catch. He always tried to make us feel useful and encouraged us to develop our skills because it would provide us more satisfaction than just being "pretty little girls".
As a result, I learned how to fix cars, patch drywall cracks, make a killer pizza dough, bake bread, refinish furniture, build a birdhouse, play the clarinet, read classic books, write plays to perform with my sister, bake cookies, decorate cakes, and train and play with my rescued dog. My sister also did lots of the same stuff...she did a lot of artwork, played soccer, sang in the choir, wrote poems, etc. We did have Barbies, but we never really focused on their bodies as being real. Mostly, we got frustrated with their hips because it made them difficult to dress. We had American Girl dolls that we played with and I think those dolls are far more appropriate for girls than Bratz or Barbies...dolls that encourage girls to grow up too fast.
ReplyThis is bad advice. Overweight kids need to lose weight. Weight can't be pretended away. It can't be lost by having a "good image" about being overweight. Making excuses doesn't lose anyone any weight.
How about kids having a good body image and positive feelings about being healthy? Self esteem built on success is resilient because it's not just pretense.
You know what's good for feeling bad? Exercise. Exercise is good for depression and for the blues. Exercise is good for feeling bad about yourself. (And walking is good when you don't like exercise.)
Take it from a former fat kid: don't dig your kids into a hole it'll take them years to get out of. Losing weight and being healthy are hard enough without everyone telling you "don't overdo it", "you look fine with the extra weight", "you're just big", "you just need to lose 5 pounds", "it's not important how you look", etc., etc.
People care how you look. Trying to trick fat kids into thinking people don't notice is not helping. It doesn't prepare them for the real world or help them learn adult responsibility. And it doesn't make them healthy or genuinely happy.
ReplyI think that was the point of the article. Teaching your children to obsess over body image leads them into eating disorders and yo-yo dieting. Teaching them to love their body and take care of it takes the emphasis off of conforming to society's expectations and puts it squarely on personal health and happiness.
It seems like a lot of comments are overlooking the fact that "normal" weight has a fairly wide range, by BMI standards alone; factor in muscle mass and physical activity, and the fact that many children are naturally slimmer and more active, and concepts like "overweight" and "underweight" lose some of their magnitude.
ReplyThe people worried about eating disorders watch too much TV.
On TV, people have eating disorders. But in real life, you look around and folks are overweight, not anorexic.
ReplyOh yeah. It's that I watch too much TV. Not that I've been there myself and recognize the impact of cultural expectations.
Are you for real? Like, seriously?
ReplyMaybe you people live in LA or some place where normal is different than the rest of the world.
I look around and see zero "too thin" people. About half the people I see are too fat though.
A lot of this "they must be anorexic" nonsense is simply jealousy. Someone thinner than you must have an eating disorder.
Obesity and overweight are common -- I've seen the figure 61% for the US population. Eating disorders are comparatively rare. I'm sorry if you have trouble with reality.
ReplyHeather, is this person's picture in the encyclopedia under 'lost cause'?
ReplyI think so.
I always wonder when someone has such an issue with body size (and I must guess a personal issue if it's so pugnaciously expressed) that they cannot accept that regardless, it's good for a person to like themselves and be comfortable in their own bodies.
That's regardless of body size... I'm not saying thin is better, or larger is better-- but being comfortable with yourself IS better.
And being comfortable with your body, and thus not having the emotional relationship with food that self-hatred in that arena creates- can in fact help someone maintain a healthy weight for them.
ReplyAnd in the end, despite some of the comments, this post is about our children being comfortable with themselves and feeling self assured. I can only hope that is something any parent will want for their kid, regardless of what their child looks like. (And it frankly scares me that there might be some that think self-hatred is deserved if some size is not achieved.)
I believe everyone should strive for health-- that's physical and mental. That means exercising, that means eating healthfully, and that means accepting yourself.
ReplyThis isn't a zero-sum game. Our society's insistence that only 90lb, 5'10" starlets strung-out on heroin can be attractive hurts everyone. It fuels anorexics, and it makes fat people think, "why bother? I'll never look like that."
If we instead recognize that health and physical fitness is important, regardless of what kind of body one would attain from it, everyone wins.
ReplyHi Ben,
I think you have a good point, and you're doing everything you can to not make it. You might consider joining a debate club?
The incidence rates of bulimia and anorexia nervosa are lower than obesity by quite a lot. And, determining the rate is complex. For example, the article Time trends in eating disorder incidence by Curran et. al. in The British Journal of Psychiatry (2005) 186: 132-135 looked at the primay care incidence rate in the UK over the period 1994-2000. From the abstract:
Conclusions This study provides further evidence for the stability of anorexia nervosa incidence rates. Decreased symptom recognition and changes in service use might have contributed to observed changes in the incidence of bulimia nervosa.
The mystery is why there was a big bulge in the primary care incidence rate of bulimia from 1989-1996 - which was, apparently, only in women in the age group 10-39. The authors have no explanation, but suggested (1) starting in 1996, information on the web grew, and so these people may have stopped seeing primary care physicians and turned instead to self-diagnosis and treatment; (2) specific cases of eating disorders might have had an effect. For example, Diana: Her True Story (Morton, 1992) brought public attention to Princess Diana's struggle with bulimia. Such events can bring people out to seek care - which creates a bulge. They also considered the number of articles in general on eating disorders.
I think the point you're missing is: full-blown bulimia is just the tip of the iceberg. I had lunch with an undergrad recently - she's fit, strong, and is a member of an athletic team. Her sports have bulked up her legs. She worries about being too fat and unattractive: she wants twiggy legs. It's crazy.
I think the point you could make is: for some people who are overweight and decide to revamp their life, they do it by using a mania not unlike what is found in people with eating disorders.
ReplyBen, I agree with you that parents should help overweight kids lose weight.
ReplyHowever, you are showing your ignorance by saying that there aren't anorexics in the real world. Take a walk through any high school or college cafeteria and look for the dry, pale skin, sunken eyes, and bony knees, elbows and shoulders.
You can be overweight and have an eating disorder as well. Compulsive overeating is an ED, and most Bulimics maintain a normal or slightly overweight body weight.
And on that second point, I speak from experience.
ReplyI'm friends with a recovered bulimic, went to camp with several anorexics, and see plenty of people when I go out that are bordering 'scary' skinny (knee joints anyone? Could cut paper with those things). Not that they're all anorexic, but at least one or two of them has something going on.
You ah, you don't get out much, huh?
Frankly, I'm dead worried that one of my brothers might one day decide; hey, yeah, throwing up! (Well, not just like that, but...) Because frankly they both have a streak in them that could turn into an eating disorder if given the motivation.
ReplyThe ex-bulimic I'm friends with is male.
I don't think the answer is to tell your overweight kid to lose weight, because that just fuels future eating disorder problems. My mom was constantly told to lose weight as a kid...her mother put her on diets, told her to exercise, etc. My mom now has a LOT of food issues as a result of that. Her sister was also criticized and told that she NEEDED to weigh "exactly 116 lbs" to be beautiful. Well, she's 5'7" and after having 7 kids, she still does whatever it takes (purging, fasting, etc.) to maintain that 116 lbs.
It's not a good idea to sit there and look on while your kid is getting fatter, either...but there are ways to get your kids to be healthy without even mentioning their weight. Put limits on TV/video games, buy healthy food (and if they "beg" for treats, be a parent and say NO...it's not that hard. You're the one with the wallet, not them), encourage them to try sports that they like, do stuff with them, etc. If you focus on being healthy, even if your kid is a few pounds overweight, they'll still have healthy habits that will help them out for their whole lives.
Reply"Focus on adding things in rather than cutting them out"
This is very sensible - subtraction by addition. Takes the message of restriction out and naturally pushes aside less healthy options.
ReplyI just wanted to say this:
ReplyYOU DON'T NEED TO "LOOK" LIKE YOU HAVE AN EATING DISORDER TO HAVE ONE.
People are so misinformed and it is sad. The myths that people spread and believe to be true make me sick. If you don't know the truth or the facts, keep your mouth shut! Society today is so pathetic.
To all who are struggling, hold on to that ounce of hope and have faith that one day things will get better! I am right there with you!
Good point.
ReplyMy son is in the hospital. Twice the nutritionist has hinted STRONGLY to him that he has an eating disorder. He should be eating what the other kids do to fit in. I heard her say that one time! He is lean by heridity and has some solid muscles. He gets every nutrient needed, in the right way. He doesn't eat bread because he has issues with yeast. Yet, he should eat in to fit in. He asked me if he was ok. Every child should be evaluated according to nutrition, heredity, etc. The nutritionist program has lots of corn syrup, etc.... Hello! I'd rather my child live long and healthy than fit in.
ReplyMy children are not conscious on their appearance as of now and I guess they are too young to be insecure. What i do I make sure that I love them what ever they shape they maybe. .
ReplyI think you're missing the point on that comment - its not that the author wants to just add something for the sake of adding it, but in order to encourage better choices. If you eat your 5 servings of fruit, you're less likely to also want a dish of ice cream... you will be too full. That's the thought. It's not that you want your kids to feel like they can't have it, because then they feel singled out and weird. Instead, you add in the healthy stuff and they choose themselves.
ReplySadly, I remember 'freaking' out about my weight when I was eight and when I was ten. (Two times at least that the memory stuck with me). And I didn't watch TV, didn't read fashion magazine and was pretty active and healthy.
My sister has ALWAYS had body issues, and to a large degree, so I have I. We've both had eating issues and although not diagonised, definitely Disordered Eating. Yet, I wouldn't say my parents ever put any sort of pressure on us to be a certain weight, look a certain way, or anything.
I would wager peer pressure probably had a lot to do with it.
ReplyThe perfect solution is to feed the kids well. Make sure that they have a balanced diet with all the necessary nutrients they need to grow. Help them avoid junk food, so they grow up with healthy eating habits. There will definitely be peer pressure at school, but the parents will need to be consistent with limiting junk food. It's normal for children to have more fat because when they start growing, they grow fast!
Reply