Do You Participate in Fat Talk?

I think that's true to a large extent. I've also noticed that when most women diet (and I think almost all of us are guilty of this), we really overreact whenever we eat something that isn't on the diet... beating ourselves up, so to speak. So not only do we talk negatively about our bodies, but then we begin to talk negatively about ourselves in general... as though we're bad people just for gaining (or not losing) weight.

On the flip side, I've also noticed that some women who have great bodies say negative things about themselves because they're fishing for compliments. So not all of the negative talk is sincere.

When my friends say things like "I'm fat," I try and turn it back to them and say "No, you look great, I love your outfit!" or something else positive (that I honestly mean!) about them, instead of jumping in with negative statements about myself.

Also, when people say how I look so skinny these days because I've been working out so much, they tend to say negative things about themselves, like "I could never do that." And I always say thanks, and that it takes a lot of determination, but they could definitely do it too. I try not to undermine my own efforts by saying "Oh it's not that hard," because, frankly, it is hard! But I also don't act like they couldn't do it too, because everyone (who's physically able) can.

Yes.
I've noticed this before.
But I still succomb to the pressure.

When the women I work with complain about being fat, I NEVER join in because I would instantly become the most hated person there. The thing is, they actually DO have quite a bit of weight to lose and I don't. When they talk about how much weight they want to lose, I try to be encouraging but I never say anything negative about my own body (even if I DO feel fat or something) because I remember being fat. When I was fat and some skinny chick complained about feeling fat or whatever, I always wanted to punch them. So I tend to just be positive and say "With a little hard work and determination, it can be done". Most of the time that works pretty well.

I am guilty of this myself! I think it's a woman-bonding experience that is so easy to fall into but it is something I am going to try to get out of the habit of doing. Thanks for the post - I will definitely be more conscious of my "fat talk"!

YUppppp!

I am with Mandy here, I don't join in. I simply refuse it, give them compliments, and change the subject. I think that regardless of how much weight you have to lose, whining is not nice or productive, so I am not going to encourage it.

When I was overweight and then obese, I was guilty of fat talk. I think I did it because I had low self-esteem and actually believed it, and, as Debbie said, I was fishing for compliments to help raise that self esteem.

I lost the weight slowly over 3 and half years and changed many habits, including the fat talk. I guess as the weight came off, I genuinely did start to like myself more.

I'm a firm believer in positive self-talk. It's been proven that if you constantly tell a child he's a failure, then he will most likely turn out to be one. I believe the same can be said for fat talk.

I think that's the saddest thing of it all is that so many women really do hate themselves and their bodies! Misery loves company, I guess.

I also have to agree with Mandy about how many people will follow-up their compliments on my weight loss with a negative comment about themselves. On the one hand, I hate that my success makes other people feel bad about themselves, but on the other hand, I know that if it's not my success, they'll just find something else to project their insecurities on. (And, I know that, because I used to do it!!)

Spectra said:
So I tend to just be positive and say "With a little hard work and determination, it can be done". Most of the time that works pretty well.[...]

Women I meet are usually pretty interested in how I can lose weight so quickly. After I tell them what it involves (high fat, low carb diet, lots of weights and cardio) they are usually left happier about their current weight.

I have TOTALLY noticed this. I've made a conscious effort not to engage in the body-bashing party. And I really find that it makes other women upset, regardless of their size and level of fitness. If you drop out of that other women think you're snobby and weird.

And it's not because I'm thinner. I stopped doing this when I was 20 pounds larger than I am and got the same reaction.

I was guilty of "fat talk" when I was a teen an college student. It's disheartening how easy it is to jump into self-pity and then drag others down with you. And that's somehow a sign a person is a friend or part of the group? Wow, that's so warped. No wonder we get stuck in body obsession, if it's verbally and then mentally reinforced like that (re: what Jen said about telling a child he/she's a failure.)

Now that I'm older and hopefully wiser, if a friend or co-worker puts herself down with "fat talk" I try to spin the conversation away from body obsession to more positive or even hum drum subjects. I'd rather have a boring conversation about the weather than participate in this self-hatred.

Jim, this is a great article. I like how you examine the full spectrum of nutrition, diet, weight loss/maintenance, and the socio-cultural factors involved.

For the past couple of years I've made a conscious effort to change the subject or ignore it when women engage in fat talk. It happens whenever a group of women is chatting and can suck you in even when you are trying to avoid it. I hate it.

I'd need to see the full study as the abstract wasn't especially informative. The truth is that most people have a high desire to conform with group thinking. There are a large number of experiments on social influence that show that 2/3-3/4 of people will agree with the group even when the group can be shown objectively to be wrong.

Which leads me to question whether this is an issue of negative body image so much as a desire to conform to the thinking of the group and not wanting to be the tall poppy that stands out and says I am happy with my body.

I had never joined into fat talk. Becuse I've always been fat. And I see no need to repeat the obvious. The majority of my friends are quite thin (size zero thin) and it's a constant topic: "look how fat I am" or "look how fat she looks". And during those conversations I always feel judged but can't complain out loud because the critiques are not being directed at me. That's why I do not participae in fat talk. I'd hate to make someone feel the way I do during those talks.

I am going throug menopause and thus find it harder to loose weight. Last fall I attended a fat-burning seminar on a cruise ship. They advised us that your fat cells build upon each other, thus making it harder to loose weight. One of the suggestions they recommended was lots of water and Algae.

I have done this but I am a grappler and I cant seem to get down to 5-6% bodyfat and I am stuck at 10%

People hate me HAHA.

Most of the time these girls are fishing for compliments and I tell them this is what they are doing.

dieting is bad for you. Te kehe o koutou te fiamanaia..

TOKELAUAN REPRAZANT!!!

Well i come from the Beautifuk Islands of the Pacific. And in our culture, it is natural for our figures to be round and curvy. We have no problem with being 'fat'. We accept what God has given to us, and thankful Unlike all you ungrateful people..

Jessie Iosua said:
...Te kehe o koutou te fiamanaia..[...]

In any case, you're right - momona can be beautiful. It's cultural. I remember on a trip to the (then) Soviet Union, some (young) Russian men told one of the (young) women on our trip "You know, we love the way you look. You're not skinny like all the others. You're nice and fat." She didn't appreciate the comment, even though it was earnest.

Being momona isn't being obese.

I don't participate in 'fat talk' at work, but when someone else instigates, many of us start talking about food, recipes/etc and get off the subject. Many people I work with go off and on constant diets and talk about exercise. There are so many ways you can steer the conversation away from self-debasing talk. I'd much rather talk about healthy food or a great recipe than my size.

i join in fat talk ALL the time, because i am so fat, and have an disorded body image. People get really mad at me for it, but i dont care because really i am fat.

Marie, you are not fat, and you really should try to remain close to the people getting mad at you for it, and spend less time with anyone that encourages this fat talk. It is not good for you.

Hi Quito. No im not maori, but our languages are very similar. Tokelauans are like Samoans. I am also half Samoan, and we are known to have a "taro figure". I understand when you said that men compliment our cultural figures, but we see it as an offence lol. I am grateful i dont have a 'taro figure', but still envy my really skinny friends!

hi vagi! i had to look up tokelau; it looks beautiful.

i love the phrase "taro figure". in hawaii they joke about eating too much poi. i was on rarotonga once, and had banana poke, he 'ono 'o ia! if i lived there i'd have a poke figure.

aloha pumehana...

the people who get mad at me for it are the same people who talk about it, and I AM FAT.

o and even though i may be half way anorexic, and have a very disordered body image, and i say i am fat, and i am,
well to all you out there, cause your all skinnier than me,
weight is just a number that makes you depressed, so don't even worry about it.

You are not fat, and you know it. And it is not a competition, like, if there is someone out there skinnier than you then you are fat. You are either fat or you are not, period. It is an absolute thing, not a comparison.

I'm very much guilty of fat talk. My friends are all size 00-3 and I'm a 12-14. At least once an hour they go on about how big they are. I of course have to point out that I can fit all 3 of them in my pants. I then go one about my weight. I really what goes through their heads when they look at me if they think their fat.

Lol at Quito. Thanks for looking up Tokelau. Alot of people dont know where Tokelau is because we are so small. But its alright. Are you Hawaiian because i LOVE HAWAII!! 50 First Dates is ma Fave movie because i love Hawaii! Yeah we always joke about having a taro figure lol. I live in Australia. Poke, i think ive tasted that!

WRONG I AM FAT

You are not, and you know it. You are too smart to believe that.

no i am stupid and fat, and i gained 2 pounds and i am just a big fat person taking up space.

No joke last night i cried for an hour cause i ate cookies and couldn't exercise, i wanted to hurt myself. And i could feel the weight gaining on me, gross. I hate myself.

You know that you are not, and you cannot feel yourself getting fat. Even when people do gain weight, it happens like 3 days after a binge, not immediately. What is true in that statement is that you do hate yourself, and what you felt was failure at losing control. Since you can't control other things in your life, you want to control your appetite, and when you fail at that, you feel like a failure and hate yourself for it. But I'm going to keep telling you that you are not fat, and you are a smart and capable young woman with plenty of reasons to love yourself. I can't make you believe that, but I'm going to keep telling you anyway.

ok thanks you make me happy, but like you said it may take some time for me to believe that i am not fat, and i am not a failure. How long does it take to lose weight? I excercised for an hour, and burnt 803 calories. How long will that take to brun my fat? By the way is that your picture in the cournor? cool. Watching my tears fall,
Like they mean nothing at all,
Drowning in my own tears,
Because I am to weak,
To face my fears.
I will work on those reasons to love myself, and that is a nice comment, thank you. I like how you don't get mad at me. Thanks.

now i know i keep arguing with you, but like now, i just ate like 5 low fat club crackers, with 1% milk and i hate myself again, cause i feel the fat again

It is good that you ate, keep eating even if you hate it. That is not me in the picture, it is Lulu, the British singer, in a still from the movie "To Sir With Love". I just like the movie, and her.

I have no reason to get mad at you, you get mad at yourself more than enough for one person already. Keep writing, it helps.

ok thanks

Oooo i don't feel good. I hate food. It makes me want to puke. 1 meal and 2 1/2 snacks a day is way too much food! I am so fat. And i just swallowed over half a pack of gum. To mich, i don't want to be my own best friend. I want to be my worst enemy. I want to lost weight. I am way too fat. Someone at school told me i was fat. i am 5 feet and 7 inches, 130 pounds. I am depressed. I got called fat, and i agree thats true.

in my life stress= weight loss, how do i change this?