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The 7 Hotdogs of the Apocalypse

By Gerry Pugliese

Global warming, swine flu, terrorism, even the Jonas Brothers, you'd figure one of these would mark the destruction of mankind, but no.

Instead, doom will come stuffed with cheese, wrapped in bacon, fried in oil, stuffed in a bun and topped with sauerkraut, mayonnaise and lard.

The streets will run pink with hotdog.

1. French Fried Dog on a Stick

This monstrosity hails from South Korea. One hotdog, battered with flour and cornmeal, wrapped with French fries, fried and conveniently impaled on a stick.

2. Deep Fried in the Garden State

Get off the parkway in the Soprano state and head to Clifton, New Jersey for Rutt's Hut famous, or infamous, deep fried hotdogs and salty onion rings.

3. Twisted in Bacon and Grilled

Here's the cardiovascular disease starter kit. A real do-it-yourself! Just get some hot dogs, wrapped them in bacon, sauerkraut, onions and get grilling.

4. As American as Hotdog Pie

Apple pie is an American standard and no Fourth of July would be the same with out wiener, but if you combine pie and hot dogs. You get a true American psycho.

5. Snappin' Wiener with Green Beans

Steve's Snappin' Dogs pairs up serves up dogs made with bacon, sour cream, coleslaw, mayonnaise and cheddar jack cheese, with green beans and carrots. Odd.

6. Cored and Cheese Whizzed

Drill holes in your dogs, inflate them with spray cheese, roll in bacon, and deep fry. You don't even need a bun for these puppies!

7. Ketchup, Mustard and Lard

Paula Deen may know southern cooking, but she needs her head examined. Because she'll top your wiener with bacon, cheese sauce and scoops of lard.

Egad. The amount of saturated fat in this post meets the recommended daily allowance for 5 years. Hell hath no fury like a hotdog scorned.

I said it before, in the hamburger post, but it's still ironic that a guy who doesn't eat meat got to write this. I may have a secondhand heart attack.

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21 Comments

Lala

I'd never touch an ordinary hot dog, and I'd definitely be miles away from these very fattening hot dogs!! Easy for me since I live in Singapore, but there are lots of donut and fried snacks shops here and they sell really nasty fried, and sugary things. :/

I don't understand why anyone would want to eat any of these...they certainly don't do any good to our bodies at all.

Mike

What I find interesting about the deep fried food in South Korea is those people live longer than Americans. I also find it interesting that some countries with higher smoking rates have a higher life expectancy than Americans. Like the French Paradox - there are alot of wierd things that fly in the face of what the experts keep telling us.

John Sifferman - Physical Living

I was hungry before seeing this.

Mr Mann

I was hungry AFTER seeing this!
Num Yummy! Nom nom nom

Jody - Fit at 52

I think I am going to puke!!!!!!!!1 To me, those are some of the grossest things I have seen! I just had my first meal of the day. I hope it does not come up!

this is making me sick while looking at it...i dont even want to drink my protein shake anymore...

Fattus

I'm looking forward to eating lots of hot dogs this summer, and I hope to enter into many of the various eating contests. And the Nathan's contest on the 4th of July? Can't get any better. Long live the weiner.

susan

I eat a hot dog occasionally (though usually Smart Dogs or Applewood Farms only) but ewwwwwww. None of these look the slightest bit appealing!

S Price

I LOVE a good hot dog, especially the Hebrew National kind. And the corn dogs from "Hot Dog on a Stick" are fantastic! Mmmm... (Sorry, pregnancy craving. lol).

But these--they look plain awful! Ugh. I hope these places have cardiologists on staff.

megg

You should see the mac n cheese dog...
http://eater.com/archives/2009/05/crimes_against_hot_dogs_the_ditch_dog.php

Spectra

My dad had a good friend who absolutely swore by cooking in lard and eating it every day. He looked like he was about 30 when in reality he was closer to 55 or 60 years old. And his cholesterol levels were excellent, so maybe he was onto something.

Still, I can't stand hot dogs...mixed meats all mashed together and sqeezed into casings and cooked. Not the most appetizing thing ever.

Nuttyoldgal

I love a hot dog once in awhile, but now only buy the fat free kind. These "gourmet" items, however, are about the grossest things I have seen. Especially the ones topped with lard.

Mark

None of those almost look like food at all...more like grilled/deep-fried severed limbs out of a horror movie.

Ryan

I'm glad someone out there, besides me, is still using lard (2nd best dietary source of natural Vitamin D).

julie

There's some carts that sell bacon-wrapped hot dogs on the main drag of the neighborhood. They smell nasty, so I've never tried, but I can imagine if I had a drink or two too many, I might some time. Or better yet, make it home with Niman Ranch hot dogs and bacon, less cruelty involved.

gazebo

My stomach hurts just looking at this! Unbelievable!

tabitha scott

hay are you a vegitarion? I am not I ate 7 hotdogs today and i am starting to regret it! (IT HERTS)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!..... LOL

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