Due to various circumstances with a guy I'd been seeing for the last 2 1/2 years I ATE MY EMOTIONS LAST NIGHT!!!
Now, I didn't get too out of control and eat everything in sight, I just ate stuff I have never touched before. I have been so strong and have stayed away from things I knew were bad. I ate a 6 pack of Hostess donuts - they are the small ones, not that it is an excuse to eat all 340 calories of them! Then I continued to eat a whole box of ready-made breakfast sausages. Then I was on too spaghetti. I boiled the water, and then dumped it out - I stood in the kitchen and said, "What the heck am I doing? Why would I do that to myself?" I have worked too hard to gain weight back because of some idiot that can't be faithful!
So, there I was sitting on my couch, wondering if I should just go throw all of this crap back up. The positive side: I would get those calories and fat back out of me. The negative side: I would start something that maybe I wouldn't be able to stop. I know for many people it becomes habit and that is something I don't ever want to do. Well, I didn't do it.
I sat on the couch and boo hoo'ed about how much of an idiot I am too let someone come into my life for the last 2 1/2 years and treat me like crap. It's my fault. He is obviously an idiot, and can not see his mistakes and what they do to me. So, I don't blame him. Yes, I am angry with him, but I blame me.
Today I will go on like a normal day. I will sit here at work and think about where my life is going and how much I have going for myself. I am an independent girl, I live on my own, take care of myself, have a good job, a decent car, and the drive to change myself physically. I wont sit around anymore and wait for someone to change.
I'll just commend you for not purging. It does look like a simple solution, but at the same time, it is so horribly addicting, destructive, and eventually simply an excuse to binge because it won't matter in the long run.
The quick way out is rarely the positive one.
ReplyI had a similar incident recently. However I went about it different. Instead of turning to food for comfort I upped by exercise and reduced my food intake. I used the opportunity as a motivator to improve myself so I can attract someone better.
Of course I realize I am also admitting that we live in a superficial society that over values external attributes rather than internal integrity... but hey... we don't read this blog because we don't notice our appearances at all.
You can remain strong and move on. Recognizing what you did as quickly as you did is already a great achievement. Now you just need to stay strong and make constructive moves towards getting what you really want and deserve.
ReplyYou sound like a really stong woman, so don't let one silly boy get to you. We all have moments of weakness, but the most important part is that you recognise what happened with the emotional eating, and that you achieved nothing by trying to heal with food.
I too have been struggling with emotional eating my whole life. We as women tend to worry and stress so much. It is so easy to turn to food.
It sounds like it is absolutley this boy's loss that he was not faithful to you. He does not deserve you. Count yourself lucky that this happended now and not 10 years down the track. Once a cheater always a cheater!
Your a beautiful girl so don't beat yourself up about it. You are so much better off without him.
I am much happier being single then in a dead end relationship going nowhere. I know it seems hard right now, but sometimes you have to be strong and move ahead. Especially when things are out of your control.
ReplyThank you everyone, so much!!!!
ReplyOne evening binge is not the end of a diet. In the big scheme of things it is just a small blip, if you don't let it become the norm.
Look at it as the price for the realization. Mope, cry, rave, whatever, and then move on.
To quote a few cliches (ugh) there will always be bumps in the road, plan for falling off the wagon occasionally. We are not robots.
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