Parents: How to Address Your Teenager's Weight

As someone who was overweight throughout her teens, I have to say -- great article!

One thing I might add: If your teen has put on a lot of weight on hitting puberty, don't just dismiss it as "puppy fat". I gained weight quite rapidly aged about 11-13 and in retrospect, I think this may have been an early sign of PCOS (which went undiagnosed until my early 20s).

Certainly don't panic about your kids' health, but do consider getting a doctor's opinion if you suspect that they may not be overweight purely due to unhealthy lifestyle factors.

Ali

I dont find this overly convincing. They use a small sample size and you kids dont tend to listen to their parents in a lot of cases anyway. However I do agree that fundamentally kids shouldn't be made to feel like they are fat.

I'm pretty convinced a parent suggesting her child diet is going to be less effective than role-modeling changes. Teens are so insecure, typically, already-- being made to feel like they are fat by those close to them is just horrible.

Anecdotally, of the people I knew in my teenage years who's parents made an issue about weight (not just healthy behaviors)in their child or in others seen out, they are far more likely to be obese now as adults (with the exception of the two who still struggle with eating disorders on the other end of the spectrum) than those who's parents left it be or role modelled healthy behavior.. Just what I've seen serves pretty while to convince me.

this is such a great next step to all we yammered about yesterday at MizFit.

Im all about the leading by example.

not sure if it's the way to go---but after seeing how the "we should diet" or "we should do this sport together" (with my mama dropping out quickly) worked with my sister and HER WEIGHT Im going the silent but hope if I lead she shall follow route with my daughter.

I have one kid in diapers & one barely potty trained, but that whole being a lazy parent thing really hit home with me - there are times when I take the easy way out, and I need to make sure I don't where my kids' health is concerned. (Potty training on the other hand, whew...)

I also agree that as a general rule, teens are more likely to listen if you set an example. As a former jh/hs teacher, I found that teens took you more seriously if you got in the trenches with them (on any assignment) rather than giving them an assignment & saying "get to work - I don't have to do it b/c I'm the teacher." I can see the same rule applying to weight issues.

I agree that being a healthy role model and not making your child feel fat are the best strategies.

I don't have any children, but I was an overweight child and an obese teen. However, if I was a parent I would start by:

Getting all of the unhealthy food and drinks out of the home. Tell the child that you are removing the food so that you, the parent, can get healthier.

Preparing a healthy bag lunch for your child with some healthy snacks. Tell the child that you are preparing their lunch to save money. The lunch would have to be healthy because you only have healthy food in the home.

It's rough being an overweight or obese child. It can affect you physical, psychologically, and emotionally. The pain doesn't completely go away after you lose the weight. I now have a body that most guys my age would dream about, but I still feel uncomfortable in public.

Parents should do any and everything to help their child have a healthy body and a positive self image.

You lost me when you suggested actual effort. Sorry.

I completely agree that the parents should be role models. If kids see their parents are asking them to follow more healthy habits but the parents don't follow, you are just asking for failure.

Good article. If your kids are already in their teens and you haven't been doing these things already, this is the right way to start.

[DISCLAIMER: I'm not an expert nor was I a perfect parent. My opinion is simply an opinion informed by ... well, by my opinion.] However, the best way to address your teenager's weight is to do all of this long before they're teenagers -- start now, no matter what age they are and even if you don't have kids, yet.

I weighted (pun intended) too long to start a healthy lifestyle. I should have consistently eaten right and exercised regularly throughout my entire adult life. Had I done so, I think it would have made a stronger impression on my kids (currently 27 and 25).

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To parents (of teenagers)...what not to do.
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so this is what happened to me at 15... a little background first.. i was always mildly chubby (i was typically the tallest/biggest girl in class) but gained tremendous weight between 15-19.. (currently i'm 33)

i overheard my parents talking about me (my weight) saying how big i've gotten, specifically using the word "cow" in mid-sentence (use your imagination)

needless to say, i was incredibly upset.. and confronted them 3 years ago about it LOL. (I gave them a piece of my mind LOL).
Not once did they attempt (at the time) to say anything to me or assume that they had any influence/accountability to my size.. (fyi, i did not eat junk food, just too much home-cooked food)

i am happy to say that i'm now at a healthy BMI of 22 and my relationship, in general, with my parents could be better/warmer/closer/more open...but is not.
They did not apoligize for their crude comments, saying i am being stupid/sensitive.

Personally the best thing is to encourage kids to have activities..summers for me were especially boring...

This is a sensitive topic for me. I gained a lot of "puppy fat" during puberty...which melted off when I hot 14...and my mom went ballistic. She blamed my father for the weight gain and started putting me on diets. I was in Weight Watchers at 13!

Long story short, I got completely paranoid about my weight...so much so that I went through phases of eating almost nothing in high school.

I'm still not happy with my body even though I'm at the lower end of normal on the BMI scale. Oy.

I'd say that parents need to approach this topic very carefully because it's easy to make a teen feel like crap about how they look and who they are. Making exercise a family activity seems like the right way to go.

I plan on being a good role model for my kids when it comes to eating right and working out because my parents weren't exactly great role models for me, especially when it came to fitness. They DID encourage us to be active and not sit around all they time, but they weren't very active themselves. My dad encouraged us to join sports, but I was so uncoordinated that most team sports just didn't appeal to me. My mom hated exercise and still does to this day...she made it seem like exercise was what you do when you are on a diet and it was "pure torture", in her words.

I hope that I can inspire my kids to LIKE exercise and be active because they want to, not because they feel like they have to. Being an overweight teen myself, I think I would've been a lot more inspired to eat right and exercise more if I had a mother that I could look up to for fitness inspiration. My best friend's dad was a triathlete and her mom was a runner and she always had a really great attitude about exercise: she wasn't in team sports, but she LOVED to run and rollerblade and ride her bike. And she wasn't overweight or too thin and she felt really good about her body most of the time.

This topic is very important to me actually. I was slim as a young child. Then, as I got older, I started gaining weight. I guess I ate out of loneliness at the beginning. Then a family member would always comment about my weight. Comments like "you have such a pretty face, you would be so beautiful if you were smaller". To a child, this is communication that you are never pretty enough. And coming from a close family member, it was harder. At the time I didn't see all of this. It took years and years for me to understand why I was obese, and how I let myself get that way. I read up on fitness and healthy eating, lost a lot of weight and was happy with myself. I then had a daughter and really knew I would not make her feel the way I was made to feel as a child and teen.

I find that the main thing is to openly talk about healthy eating and good choices. In our household, we NEVER comment about people's weight. I never ever make comments like "ugh, i feel horrible, i'm so fat" Everything that is said in our household is positive about our bodies. I am overweight and accept it. I will be fitter and healthier every day. I tell my daughter on a daily basis that she is beautiful and healthy. I also make sure I share that I love my body and love how it is alive and healthy. I make sure that I use positive self-talk even on days where i feel like crap (fake it til you make it they say??)

My daughter is 6, and very confident, very comfortable with her body. I am sure that going to school will challenge everything i worked hard for the past 6 years, but I will keep on working at it with her! She is very active and understands the difference between healthy food and junk. Nothing is banned from our house, we just encourage healthier choices and keep the treats for special days.

It's so important to spend quality time together, not to be on the go complaining all time about how we hate having to rush from one activity to another (its a guilt trip for the child!), and to give service. When you are busy helping out and being a good person, you don't have time to worry about looking fat, being this and being that... you do what needs to be done to stay healthy and are a great role model.

:)

I was always a little large for my age and hit 11 stone when I was 12 - although I stayed there until I was 18.

A HUGE part of the problem was my father sitting me down and telling me that only pretty, slim girls have lots of friends and attract husbands and that he was going to 'put' me on a diet. Needless to say, my teenagehood was not fun and it made absolutely no difference to me at all except for destroying my confidence.

Only when I decided I was confident enough to do something myself did I lose weight. Admittedly, I excersised far more than was healthy and ate very little, but it came from me no-one else.

I am still slightly overweight for my height, and I seem to have a hard time losing weight. BUT all it takes sometimes to lose weight is self-confidence because then you WANT to look after yourself rather than see it as a lost battle.

I know with my kids that I will NEVER tell any of them they are fat, but instead encourage them to take up a sport or something for a fun hobby.

Let me speak as a 22yr old who is still going through this with her parents. I have been harped on since I was 12. Every bite I've ever eaten in front of my mother has been watched, and I've been told that I wouldn't get a job, that my boyfriends would leave me for the first thin girl that came along, and, most recently, that I will be a burden to my family because I won't be able to get health insurance. Since I am a college student, I still currently depend on them for money. Most recently, I have been told that if I don't lose 8lbs a month, I will not be given the total of my rent money, only a partial amount of money according to how much weight I lose. I have to go home, once a month, and stand on a scale in front of my mother. It's degrading and humiliating. It's become an entire family issue, involving my grandparents and everyone else. I've lost 20lbs so far, but last month I didn't meet the 8lb mark. Thus, I didn't get my money.

I want to lose weight. But, this causes me a lot of stress and tears. I want to be healthy, but my family seems to think that I am staying the size I am out of rebellion towards them. I definitely need to lose the weight, and I am going to, but I wish I could do it on my own schedule, not theirs.

So, from someone who has experienced this first hand, I urge parents to go about this the right way, and set examples for their kids. Get involved with them in an activity, and make them feel great for their accomplishments. I don't know the "correct" way to go about tackling this issue, but I do feel that my parents didn't tackle my issue correctly. I'm sure they did/are doing the best they can, and that they are acting out of a sense of desperation, but these are just my thoughts on the issue.

Sounds like a lot of people share growing up, weight-issue "horror" stories. Nice to know that there are those out there who will be willing to make a difference with their kids in the future.

Helping kids with weight loss is a really tricky area, the opinions of close family members can be very influential (even though sometimes it doesn't seem it) to young people.
Many "fun dads" take the teasing approach when their kids put on weight, it's a really bad idea as it just keeps people feeling bad about themselves 24/7 (as they are probably gonna be teased at school too)

i want to start my diet my diet now how can i start
please send to me how to start and finish sucessfully so that i can get slim

I think that role modelling is critical. I had parents who ate well and made exercise sport an important part of our lives. It was natural for me to eat well and exercise. I noticed kids that came from over weight families tended to follow what the parents did which generally wasnt much, hence there weight problem.

What about the teens that are tooo slim. My 16 year old son, will eat when he is hungry, but hardly anything healthy (meat, bread, crackers). Sometimes only once a day. He is usually with his friends and just doesn't eat. If I put one hand on his back and one on his tummy, my hands would maybe be 5" apart. Maybe he is to afraid of becoming overweight like me.

I need some advice, the articles I have read here have been very useful but everything here I have and am currently doing (e.g. healthy eating as a family, exercise and no junk food in the house). I have a nine year old daughter who has been obsessed with her weight for about a year, she was very thin when she was four and was picked on a it for being so thin, naturally. She started to eat more and gradually gained weight. She is now being picked on for what I would call slightly overweight (even though she's classed as obese on the Wii fit). I am really concerned and am trying my best but I am running out of ideas to keep her spirits up as the weight is still going on and the bullying is getting worse. I have spoke to her teacher and they just told my daughter not tobe so silly! That really didn't help. I have also spoken to my GP and they just tell me to give her fruit and vegetables and exercise, which I do. There may be a chance my daughter has irritable bowel syndrome but the GP won't refer her to a specialist. Can anyone help?? I would be very grateful if anyone has or is in the same position to see how they are dealing with the situation.

ok. i am a teenager and most parents dont do this.
if u want ur teenager to loose weight putt em on the cheer team, the swin team, or something active and fun. dont tell them that they are fat. make them eat veggies. honestly they are not even that bad.

parent's being role models is very important, at least for me it is, as a little kid I was very thin even though I ate frozen food and all that junk but i simply wasn't into food that much, then my parents started working at home and it became really hard to keep a good diet since my mom was always cooking good family meal and since then I haven't really been able to shed weight. Having my dad always ask me to go out and buy him coke and ice creams I can't help but get along.

But I guess it's not really parents fault but also school and how it's really hard for teens to get back on there feet if your bullied around because of weight.

So parents don't blame yourself too much!

I have a 13 year old daughter who has experienced rapid weight gain over the past year. She is also bi-polar and is on medication that is often associated with weight gain. She does not want to do any physical activities. We don't have much junk food in the house but she will just eat large amounts of whatever we have. For example- she will come home from school and eat 4 bananas and several peices of bread. Complaining that we don't have any good food in the house the whole time. We pack her a healthy lunch each day- but her friends tell me she doesn't eat it. I find them untouched in the trash all the time. If she can scrape together change she will buy chips or ice cream at school to eat though.
I want to give her tips about making good choices, (ie: choose water or a diet soda over a sugary soft drink) but she is very touchy and I am unsure how to address this. Her pediatrician and psych have a wait and see attitude but I am afraid she will become morbidly obese before too long. She has gained 40 pounds in a year- She is 5'4" and 160 pounds.