Shame on You: Weight Loss Tactics That Don't Work

it is all about that number one, huh?

SILENCING THE NEGATIVE SELF CHATTER.

we had quite a conversation going about this yesterday where Im from (are we allowed to say? not sure).

it's sad.
we all need to LOVE and SUPPORT ourselves more.

to AFFIX the oxygen mask to ourselves FIRST or we wont be ABLE place it over the mouths of those we love (to steal an airlines lines).

These are such great, and important, points -- thanks, Carol-Ann! I only managed to lose weight after finally stopping "hating myself" for being fat, and instead deciding that I wanted to make positive, healthy changes.

Having support and encouragement from friends is crucial, and feeling accountable to other people (but not judged by them) definitely does help.

Ali

Good point.

I always shake my head at those who feel shame etc is appropriate in treatment towards others, claiming that they need it. No, you need it because of some deficit within yourself.

I was not able to successfully lose weight until I learned how to accept and love myself regardless.

so how do we get there?
that's the tough piece, huh?
heather's last sentence is powerful and right on the proverbial money.
I know what the answer was for me---but the older I get and the more I learn the more I begin to believe that the key to each of our SelfLove is entirely unique.

M.

most women engage in "body bashing" while eating. we are always unsatisfied with what we see in the mirror and while we are eating our 250 calorie lunch, we are talking about how much and where we need to lose weight- it doesn't make me eat so much as want to scream! by the time i'm done eating, i hate my body more than when i sat down.

Something that really helped me silence the negativity in my head was reading a book called "Fit From Within" by Victoria Moran.

It's broken up into small 2-3 page chapters, sorta like a relgious devotional, and addresses body issues and diet issues and gives people permission to relax.

Great read.

Something else that helped was just becoming more aware of the self-talk. I remember one time I was ripping into myself for being fat and then when trying to pull out of that thinking, I immediately sank into these thoughts of failure, how nothing was going to work because nothing had.

The craziness of it just struck me; it was like I was damned if I did, damned if I didn't. That's when I became aware of the stuff tumbling in my head and started calling bullsh@t whenever it struck.

I think I know the show that you are talking about. As a trainer, I felt obliged to watch shows like that every once in a while.

Not any more.

The worst think about using guilt and shame as a motivation tool is that for the purposes of the television show, it usually works.

Why?

1. It is short term - Anyone can lose weight fast - starve yourself and glue your butt to your exercise bike.

2. They have an authority figure showering them with praise one second and guilt/shame/abuse the next second. I don't even want to get into the psychology of this, so I will just say that this is a classic psychological manipulation technique.

3. They are on TV. If you knew that the rest of the world was going to be staring at and judging your body, you would not find it too difficult to be motivated for a short period of time.

I would love to see how these people are doing 2-3 years down the road. Was the weight loss maintained?

We all know the recipe for sustained weight loss is about a healthy lifestyle, not alternating binge / purge cycles.

But a show dedicated to healthy living is not going to sell commercials.

I wonder if there really is anybody out there who truly believes that behaviour of "our near-human neighbors, the rhesus macaques" can lead to any conclusion about our morality - because in contrast to any animal, we are moral creatures, with good or bad morals.
The "shame-on-you"-treatment can be morally wrong, and that would be the reason to avoid it; that is totally true when - like in this case - an overweight person wants to loose weight.
But obesity in itself is generally bad, and there are cases when harsh words can be taken into consideration.

Actually, plenty of animals (not to mention ants and bees) show signs of altruism and perform actions which may put themselves at risk but increase the survivability of the others. Seems moral to me. As for humans, let me introduce you to some of the super-predators in my neighborhood, I'm quite sure there's no morals there.

As for obesity being generally bad, it's not preferred, but it shouldn't be offensive nor harmful to anyone but the person themselves, as opposed to mean people who butt into other's business because they somehow think their opinion matters.

I actually have a sign on the inside of my door that says "Go running fatty" in giant block letters and when I skip a day of working out I write disparaging remarks all over that day's day in the calendar. If I have a bad day and eat things I shouldn't I'll draw a picture of what I imagine myself to look like in my food journal.

My fiance thinks it's bad, but for me it's the perfect motivation. I started out at 325 and am down to about 275. Still a ways off from my goal weight, but each week for the past four months I've been losing. Slow and steady. I know I'm still grossly overweight, but it's a good start.

Now if I get to my goal weight and I'm still picturing myself as a fat guy and am not satisfied with myself then there might be a problem, but for now it's working.

Nothing is worse than having someone put you down when you are trying to accomplish a goal. I'm sure practically everyone has been in this situation, and it is mostly just discouraging. When making an effort to improve yourself that lst thing you want is someone telling you how awful you are. I personally think the best way to help someone, especially if they are trying to lose weight, is to encourage them. With a positive atmosphere I believe the likeliness to succeed increases dramatically.

I couldn't agree more. I think more often than not we have trouble accomplishing our goals bc we don't want to ask for help and have low self confidence.

People naturally resent having others stand behind them and tell them what to do. It tends to make them want to do exactly the opposite just to spite them, especially if what they say is particularly hurtful. If the things they say are true, that makes it worse. I that regard I don’t think the shame treatment works, it just creates a lot of heart ache.

Great Post! Confidence and support are two of the main factors for effective weight loss. It always surprises me how many people think that shaming someone will help them change. Shaming someone into weight loss will fail and the "shamed" person could very easily wind up being a "closet eater." We can only change ourselves when we have some confidence in ourself.

Emotional eating is very strongly documented so I find it ridiculous that people think that by putting people down it will help others lose weight. It is very disappointing to see.

For most people weight gain is the result of negative emotions like shame. Weight is a symptom of these emotions, not the cause. If people want to lose weight and keep it off they need to learn how to override these feelings and replace them with more positive ones.

I am almost exclusively motivated by negativity. Every morning I look in the mirror and try to loathe myself a little bit. If I hate myself for being fat I have a reason to work for something better. As a result, I've never been truly fat.

Jeremy, that's real nice, but you're not everybody.

Just because something motivates you personally doesn't mean that everyone should try it because it's going to work for them too.

I thought that this was a very powerful post. Point 4 was critical. Dont let perfection get in the way of better. I think that this stops many people from reaching there weight goals. I hate to see people being put down when they are trying to do something to better there lives. It doesnt work and people need encouragement.

I've seen some of those shows where they sort of shame people into losing weight. You know, coming into their houses and dumping any and all junk food in the trash, telling them to move faster, etc. I think if anyone had done that to me when I was losing weight, I would've rebelled because I absolutely HATE people telling me what to do, especially if they're very negative about it.

Some of those shows are pretty unrealistic too...they provide the people with nutritionists who buy all their food for them, a trainer to design a workout for them, someone to give them a makeover, etc. On shows like "The Biggest Loser", they basically spend a good 8 hours a day working out, which is why they lose like 20 lbs a week. No one in real life can work out like that and still have a day job. I think a lot of the "Biggest Loser" contestants probably gain at least some of the weight back after 2-3 years.

Maybe giving people a good kick in the butt by being kind of rude helps some people get motivated, but some of those shows take it too far. Sometimes you have to be compassionate as well as strict with people who want to lose weight. Remember that not everyone is perfect and new habits can take a while to get used to.

Spectra, you're right, a number of the Biggest Loser participants have regained weight over the years. What they have them doing on the show is just not sustainable.

When are people going to realize that their "let's shame the fatties into losing weight" mentality is not helping? I can't imagine what it would be like to be an overweight person in today's society. They are constantly ridiculed, their every bite is scrutinized as something they "don't need," they're given diet books as "presents" from friends, etc. Doesn't really seem to be helping considering there are more overweight people now than ever.

I love the list of confidence builders. I think those can be applied to all areas of life on things that we are working on.

I completely think that they are! That is, as long as you don't include happinesses while loosing as part of your description. Look at eating disorders for example, after fully recovering from bulimia and not having the same shame and embarrassing feelings I used to, I am heavier and have a more difficult time loosing weight. I don't care at all though, I am still much more happier!

I recently wrote about this very same thing about The Biggest Loser (http://www.ditch-diets-live-light.com/biggest-loser.html) and in addition - what is all that added stress and humiliation creating in our bodies. How much cortisol and other stress hormones are being pumped into our systems when we have to endure this kind of humiliation? And isn't stress one of the greatest causes of all the very lifetyle diseases forever blamed on weight?
Cari

Shame and humiliation never work, particularly as long-term solutions. And if you loathe your physical self, it will eventually seep over to loathing other parts of your life. Then your life becomes hell.

Shaming people for their weight leads to many consequences: eating disorders, depression, anxiety, and regaining the weight. It heaps stress on stress, leading to closet binge eating, more shame, more self-loathing...a vicious circle hard to break out of without some professional help.

There are masochists who get motivated from being hurt and treated like second class. But most people prefer to be treated with respect--from others and from self. Successfully maintaining a weight right for you is all about the first point listed.

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Exerise, exercise, exercise! Exercise increases your metabolism and burning off excess fat. When is the best time to exercise? Our metabolism slows down about 8 hours after we wake up, so 30 minutes of exercise in the evening, before dinner will increase your metabolism for about two to three more hours just when it was starting to slow down. This produces a significant increase in fat burned off, even after the exercise is over.

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As a personal trainer, my style of motivation has never been about riducling clients.

To me destructive criticism never works to accomplish anything.

I think the tv shows act all crazy to get ratings and create drama. But, I think some producers might be surprised that people might respond just as well to some good old fashion lovin'.