Are You Influenced By Your Fat Friends?

when my friends and i (3 of us, all varying in shape and weight) decided to get ourselves in shape, we did motivate eachother when one of us didn't feel like working out. However, we also motivated eachother to go out to dinner and "forget about" counting calories. we are our each others best friends and worst enemies!!

I found this study interesting (and wrote a post about it too; which covers much the same ground). Sounds like we get more of our idea what a "normal" body size is from our friends than tv and other media. I was surprised how large the impact was.

This was a good test of the evaluating studies post. Large study, reputable journal, conclusion that makes sense. Really interesting, too.

The only issue I have is the way people might interpret this. There's so much emphasis on not being obese, but friendship IS important. That said, I do think that when I spend time with friends who are overweight it makes me feel uncomfortable to think or talk about things like healthy eating or fitness and there's a surge of awkwardness every time I order something light or ask for dressing on the side.

There is the possibility that people can use this sort of social network effect to spread healthy habits (though why do I think social crash dieting is more likely...). Apparently my cynicism about this study has nothing to do with its validity.

I'm the smallest person in my most immediate group of friends, I think. And the sizing among us varies considerably! Perhaps if you have strong ideas about weight, food, and fitness, you are less apt to be influenced by friends? Some people I know LOVE food, love to eat, and it shows -- not that there is anything wrong with that. Me? I love to exercise and tend to think of food as fuel except on rare occasions when I want something particular. Others fall squarely in the middle. I suppose, in the end, it depends on how much a person allows themselves to be influenced by their friend's habits.

Good thing I don't have any friends...I'm so lonely :(

When I was fat, being around fat friends made me feel better about myself...less self conscious about being fat, I guess. Plus, we mainly hung out and watched TV together. We weren't exactly active.

Now when I'm with friends that are fatter than me, it's awkward to talk about diet/exercise. They all seem to feel like they have to apologize to me for not working out as much as I do or something.

Whatever. I made the decision to slim down on my own and my friends were for the most part pretty supportive. Until I got thinner than them...then they started kind of getting a little bitchy about things. So I guess I kind of made new friends...people that were more into fitness and a healthier lifestyle.

Seems kinda obvious, doesn't it? Of course you're going to be like who you hang around - birds of a feather - unless you take active steps to be different.

I think this doesn't necessarily focus on our fat friends. Even healthy people can make that changes if ever they start thinking like people without health concerns.

I have had similar experiences to Spectra. My friends who have always been slim were very happy for me and complementary when I lost my excess baggage. But those who were a similar size to me, and are still quite large, seemed rather bitter and assumed that I had an eating disorder or were convinced I would regain the weight (I have certainly proven them wrong on both these levels). I guess they were just jealous that I had put in the effort and taken the steps to turn my life around for good.

Yeah, the key is it works both ways. Hanging out with people who have made huge transformations have helped me, first with the confidence that its possible, and with the motivation to keep it up.

However, I think we'd all agree that hanging out with naturally skinny people who can eat whatever they want is much worse in general than having "fat" friends.

Overall, the study seems pretty insulting. I dont really doubt the premise though.

jc said:
naturally skinny people who can eat whatever they want [...]

jc, I don't think there is such a thing as an adult. I think 'thin' people show restraint and are careful about what they eat.

"Now when I'm with friends that are fatter than me, it's awkward to talk about diet/exercise. They all seem to feel like they have to apologize to me for not working out as much as I do or something."/"I guess they were just jealous that I had put in the effort and taken the steps to turn my life around for good."

Well, la di freakin' da, aren't you the superior ones! Maybe your friends get bitchy on you because they don't care for your smug attitude. Aren't there other topics you can talk about, you know, like art, music, politics, literature, travel, weather, family, hobbies, aspirations, work, movies, the kids, etc.? That's what I talk about with both my thin and fat friends, all of whom I value irregardless of what their scales say. Then again, I tend to choose friends based on their intelligence, ethics, loyalty, and sense of humor, and not physical appearance or how many calories they consume. I dunno. I'm freaky like that. Whatever.

Yeah, yeah, I know the drill, be healthy and watch what you eat but the attitudes in studies like this encourage a kind of social prejudice against a group of people based on looks.

wizard said:
Well, la di freakin' da, aren't you the superior ones! Maybe your friends get bitchy on you because they don't care for your smug attitude. Aren't there other topics you can talk about, you know, like art, music, politics, literature, travel, weather, family, hobbies, aspirations, work, movies, the kids, etc.? That's what I talk about with both my thin and fat friends, all of whom I value irregardless of what their scales say. Then again, I tend to choose friends based on their intelligence, ethics, loyalty, and sense of humor, and not physical appearance or how many calories they consume. I dunno. I'm freaky like that. Whatever.[...]

Geez, back off. I never said I was superior to anyone. I always tell my friends that they DON'T have to feel bad for not liking running as much as I do. And yes, I do talk about other things with my friends (like movies, shopping, cooking, our dogs, etc.) and I most certainly do NOT pick my friends based on how fat and/or thin they are! But of course, you don't either...that's why you'd never judge people and jump to conclusions about someone you've never met, right?

I agree. Influence is strong, especially if we are open to our friends and hang out with them very often. I believe that this case happens mostly to children.

Touche, Spectra. I am often an insufferable jackass when speaking my mind.

But dismissing friends on a public bulletin board with a "whatever" is also rude.

I LOVE people who can admit to being insufferable jackasses. Rare trait that.

I have seen that phenomenon that Spectra discusses. I've lost 85 pounds over the last year, so people talk to me about weight loss CONSTANTLY. And they get all sheepish and apologetic about their eating or their exercise like I'm the diet police. Which I am most certainly NOT. I really want to help people with this - but I don't push or judge. That doesn't help!

My two best friends, however, are tiny. Both of them are lifelong thin people. They are thrilled beyone measure that I am now their size and can wear their clothes! Not because they judged me on size- they always loved me for who I am - but because they are so happy for me that I am finally fit.

Friends rock. I think a study like this one is interesting. It yields potential for studying what people really think friendship IS. Is it telling the truth? Is it wanting the best for your friends? Or is it just constantly telling them that everything they do is okay because you don't want to hurt their feelings...?

Oy. I wax long. Sorry!

blest said:
I have seen that phenomenon that Spectra discusses. I've lost 85 pounds over the last year, so people talk to me about weight loss CONSTANTLY. And they get all sheepish and apologetic about their eating or their exercise like I'm the diet police. Which I am most certainly NOT. I really want to help people with this - but I don't push or judge. That doesn't help! [...]

I think a big part of it is that I did used to be a really big person and now I am a LOT (90 lbs) smaller. So yeah, my heavier friends think I'm like the diet police or something too...I hope I'm not. I occasionally eat the entire box of Captain Crunch when I'm upset too. No one is perfect. I didn't mean to come off as sounding rude, but I just get frustrated when my friends want me to help them get "in shape" and then when I do try to help them, they tell me it's too hard and they'd rather just not get in shape at all. My husband is the perfect example. I'll say "Wow, I had a great run this morning" and he'll say "Ugh, I'm so out of shape...I should run". So I say "Let's run together tomorrow" and after a mile, he says "I'm going home...too tired...this is too hard". Hey, I'm totally honest with my friends. I never told them getting in shape was easy or effortless. :)

No matter how true this is, there's still better things to do like invite your fat friends to work out or any means of physical activities. Off course, it has to be fun for the sake of friendship.

I belong to a group of 6 friends who are all different shapes, though only one is a little overweight. This one girl constantly makes remarks like "why am I such a fat-ass" or "my BMI says i'm overweight! That cant be right!" or "I'm so fat... you guy are so lucky that you can eat whatever you want" and it makes everyone feel so uncomfortable. We invite her to come to the gym with us everytime we go, and she never wants to. All anyone wants to do is to get her to stop talking about her bad body image if shes not going to do anything about it, but no one knows how to say it nicely. No one even cares that shes over weight, but its so horrible to have to listen to her saying these degrading things. No one ever responds either, or we say things like "no... you really think so?" and i'm sure we've made it clear in a passive way how uncomfortable it makes us. We need to say something or we're going to go crazy. Can anyone think of an inoffensive way to tell her to cut it out?