Negative Self-Talk: The Tight Jeans Effect

I think there needs to be a healthy balance in this arena. Knowing your faults helps you figure out how to correct them. You don't want to ignore things altogether, but taking a healthy attitude towards fixing the things that bother you about yourself is the best way to go.

It's not psycho-babble at all. Everything in your life first begins with your thoughts.

I agree with Ann, that you don't want to "ignore" issues. However, once you know what you want to change, focus on the outcome rather than on where you are right now, i.e.: if you continually focus on your overweight and bring yourself down with negative thoughts and self-talk, you will only serve to create more of the same. Instead, focus on the positive outcome that you want: weight loss and a fit, toned, healthy, strong body.

What you think about is what you will create whether you are on the subject of health, weight loss, and fitness, or seeking a new job. It all starts with your thoughts.

Great topic, Sylvia!

Because I agree with Ann that being oblivious to problems doesn't help, it's really important to find positive ways to frame our efforts to improve. As JoLynn pointed out, thoughts are really powerful when we can make them positive.

The same healthy behavior we want to encourage that may not be reducing our thighs as much as we'd like, is also building muscle and giving us all kinds of health benefits. So sometimes on discouraging days we have to really wrench our minds around to find something encouraging to focus on.

Thank you so much for writing this article! It is so important that people begin to realize the harmful effects of their negative self-talk. At InspirituLife we are always teaching people to speak to themselves with the same respect they show others. If you would not say something to a friend or family member, you shouldn't be saying it to yourself! It is not about being a Polly-Anna but about treating yourself with compassion and kindness. Your body will Thank you for it!

I think it's somewhat helpful to know what your body's flaws are so that you can dress yourself better to show off your good qualities. If I lose perspective and wear, say, capri pants, I feel terrible about how I look because I really don't have the legs for capri pants. But I try to be positive about things...I think: "I'll wear my skinny leg jeans with a cute embellished tank top so my short legs look longer and my sculpted shoulders are shown off". I used to constantly fixate on my body's flaws but I realized that they're not really going away, so I should just deal with them, focus on my good qualities, and move on.

Spectra said:
I think it's somewhat helpful to know what your body's flaws are so that you can dress yourself better to show off your good qualities.

I try not to think about my body as being flawed, and just that the clothes aren't meant for me. I'm not covering my problem areas, I'm only buying clothing made for the kind of person I am (hourglass; no matter what weight I am I have exactly 10" difference between my waist and bust, my hips are always the same as my bust).) Usually, this means shopping in only a few stores and at vintage shops. I usually have good luck with Express of Victoria's Secret because they know how to make pants for shorter people, and it looks GOOD. I don't waste time anywhere else.

Anyway, long story short: don't blame your body, blame the clothing and find better places to spend your time and money.

You all have some excellent points. I like how some of you change your perspective to fit your life and your needs.

I really like this idea:

wrightwrongs said:
I try not to think about my body as being flawed, and just that the clothes aren't meant for me.[...]

And, of course, it is a lot about balance.

I love your insights...they have opened my mind to new posibilities of thought!

Thanks!

Sylvia C.

Well im a 15 year old boy who has some spare time to look at this sad shit, and well im here so i cant critizise, I live in England, London and no im not gunna go further. Yep im like 135-140 or something about 160-170 cm in height. Okay im okay in height but erm my weight is slightly to much. Im like bit of a belly but its not round and doesnt potrude but it like sort of sticks out and then flattens. My ass is massive which i want to get down so i can fit into some skinny's better. Yep ive got the summer holidays, i'm gunna like do 100 calorie meals a day to 500-600 calories a day total. I wont go out so that i have time to like cycle 4 miles to and back from greenwich park and im gunna use weights for about 1 hour a day in four intervals.(equal). I will try to run for 1-2 miles a day and will have 10 hours sleep lucky me.

Basically i want to get rid of very slight bingo arms , it is very very slight, i just want more defined muscular shape so i can wear tight top and no im not like some wannabe emo and no i will not get pissed off if u say i am i just dont want the prejudice.

So i have 2.3 months beginin on thursday afternoon this week at 3.50 GMT

Personally i would rather have body of Paris, not nicole than Ricky gervais( im not that size yet)

I believe that i will not be able to do much of this over school time so as i never can cause i have GCSE year 11 in dec mock revision etc and i go to Eltham College, is some bare pressure school, in Mottingham, pls visit the website lol

Yes i know what the meals are i have done reserch, yes i have a scoial life outside school, yes i am cool lol

It's a great challenge. I also have negative thoughts but I don't dwell in them too much that it'll get me disappointed.

When I pretend to feel better about myself, I start to feel better.

Either way of feeling certainly creates a cycle.

This is so important, because what we tell ourselves inevitably ends up being what we tell others.

This summer, I attended a picnic where I heard a group of women (5 or so) talking about their upcoming "girls weekend" at a local lake. One woman said, "don't forget to bring your swimsuits!" The replies were as follows:

"I NEVER wear swimsuits! I'm too fat."
"I've never owned a swimsuit, and I never will. Have you SEEN my butt?"
"Are you kidding? I don't even wear SHORTS!"
"I don't swim. I'm too fat."

The negative self-talk has moved from just talk to actions. These women believed that they were so fat (and yes, they were larger women, but in no way were they incapacitated by it) that they just decided to check out of the fun things of life.

Further, when we talk negatively to ourselves, we pass that habit to our offspring. Another day, another park:

Little girl, talking to me: "I just turned six last week! And now I get to take swimming lessons because they'll make me skinny!"

I nearly cried when I heard that, and looked her mother directly in the eye. Mom looked away. It was obvious that Mom's negative body image had been passed to her daughter. This little girl will forever think that the only reason she should swim is to get skinny, not for the fun of it, not because it could someday save her life, not because it's a healthy activity, but because "it'll make her skinny".

Sad, sad, sad. People, start looking in the mirror and finding something you LIKE, even if you have to start with the color of your eyes and work from there.

You'll be happier for it.

Wow, John... All that activity and only 500-600 calories a day? You're going to make yourself sick, and you'll likely get hurt, as well. Slow down. Incorporate some of that activity at first - maybe the bike rides and some of the weights. You can (and will, if you do it correctly) add more later as your strength and indurance build.

Any increase in activity requires fuel. What you're proposing is similar to asking your car to drive 1000 miles on 50 miles worth of gasoline. Insane. Food is not your enemy. Healthy foods like fruits, veggies, lean meats, whole grains, a few healthy fats, and plenty of water will provide you with more than enough energy to keep you going through those workouts, but will not deplete your body of the nutrition it needs.

Don't fall for the commerical crap that you can LOSE 20 POUNDS IN 20 DAYS!!! That's all it is - crap. And it's often unhealthy and dangerous to boot.

My motto is "slow and steady wins the race" - do it slowly and correctly, and your body will reward you. You'll be buff AND healthy soon enough. And you'll be prepared to maintain your new lifestyle, rather than bingeing when you feel deprived and your body revolts from the abuse.

The #1 weightloss tool I have used to date has been positive mantras. When I don't feel like exercising, I tell myself "I am feeling great in a size 8!" over and over again. I visualize myself working out and lookings fit and sexy.

I do this too when I feel like I want to eat fattening food. I say my mantra over and over while visualizing looking great while eating a healthy meal or shopping for size 8 clothing and looking fabulous in them.

The process works! I went from a size 14 to 10 and still going strong. Hoping to be in a size 8 in the next two months. Do I sometimes have bad feelings and thus not exercise or eat right - you bet. Like negative self-talk, positive self-talk is a habit that must be cultivated. You will "fall off the wagon", but have to pick yourself up again and get back on.

This is great. I think almost everyone who is overweight can relate in this discussion.
I also agree with the challenge. It's a wonderful practice we all need to change the negative thoughts into positive ones.

John...I'm with Laura on this. I REALLY encourage you to consider what we are saying. I know from a lot of personal experience that the crash diets like the 500 cal days you are speaking of DO NOT WORK. Yes, you will loose weight but I will tell you for a 100% fact that you will put it all back on and THEN SOME with this approach. Your body will go into starvation mode and become more efficient at storing calories. You will hit a point where you cannot loose anymore because your body is protecting itself and holding on to any stored energy it has (do some research and you will find its true). Like Laura said, food is not your enemy. Your body needs food to survive and thrive. Feed it, fuel it with good quality, nutritious foods and get some daily exercise and you will see long term stable results.

Thanks for this posting! I think it's such a good point to make. There is research to prove that thoughts and behviours are integrated-change one and the other often changes. This is tbe basic premise behind cognitive-behavioural therapy, which is proven to treat depression and anxiety (and a bunch of other mental illnesses).

In learning to administer this type of treatment (I'm almost done my training to be a psychologist) I realized that the techniques could be applied to any thought/behaviour. Therefore, while I've been working on losing weight and being healthier, I've been slowly working at changing my thoughts about food, exercise etc.

I think its important to point out that its not just about "positive thinking" or being optomistic or "Pollyanna" about things, but rather, to be realistic. Therefore, I'm not going to "think positively" that I look perfect with 25 pounds of remaining extra weight, but that doesn't mean I have to think that I look like a hideous whale either. I can have the realistic thought that I have made a lot of progress, I have parts of my body that I'm proud of and other parts I need to keep working on.

My sister in law was asked by her daughter, who was 8 at the time, "why aren't you eating dinner mommy?" and I heard her reply "I can't eat dinner, I'll just drink a shake, because if I eat I'll be fat and your daddy will leave me".

I got so sick hearing that I had to leave the room.

Laura said:
This summer, I attended a picnic where I heard a group of women (5 or so) talking about their upcoming "girls weekend" at a local lake. One woman said, "don't forget to bring your swimsuits!" The replies were as follows:

"I NEVER wear swimsuits! I'm too fat."
"I've never owned a swimsuit, and I never will. Have you SEEN my butt?"
"Are you kidding? I don't even wear SHORTS!"
"I don't swim. I'm too fat."[...]

This story is interesting b/c I think almost every women could chime in all the negative things about body image that they're heard their girlfriends say. It's so common and "natural" that we get used to it.

Hello group! Great discussion happening! I enjoy reading all these comments. There is so much to speak about here. I was/am anorexic for going on five yrs now (now 24 yrs. old). I've just started recovery and it is extremely hard for me because negative self-talk has become second-nature for me. Just about two or three weeks ago I ate a cinnamon danish for a little girl's birthday (I am the teacher and she brought in donuts and danishes for the class). I was eating the danish in front of the class so when they were all passed out and I was eating mine, I chewed it slowly and relished each bite at that moment. But later, on my drive to and from the gym, I berated myself until I was in tears. How could I do that to myself? Wasn't I stupid?! Fat pig! Rhino! Hippo! Buffalo! Muffin-top! Where will that danish go?! Straight to my hips and ass! A moment on the lips, forever on the hips.

I am 86 lbs. (mind you, I am also VERY petite so this is not a terribly inappropriate weight for me because I am only 4'10 but for me I do not want to go over 100 lbs. until I am pregant after I am married at some point in the future).

I try hard to remind myself that I am a child of G-D and I have a beautiful soul. I tell myself that my actions and NOT my physical appearance matters. But then I think that if my body doesn't matter, I can go on restricting and fasting and just use my good deeds to nourish my soul as well as my stomach. I know it makes no sense. Again, I am in recovery. I am really screwed up and I have ridiculously low self-concept and poor self-esteem after years of negative self-talk. I take it day by day and am trying to stay optimistic.

In late August, early September 2007, I started a weight-training program with a trainer. After consulting with my gym trainer about all of the above and more, my new mantra is "strong, not skinny." I know that when I am at the gym in the morning working out, I feel stronger and more capable of performing more push-ups and/or crunches AFTER I have eaten a HEALTHY breakfast of eggs or egg whites and some fruit and/or yogurt instead of what I used to do- 1 ricecake with peanut butter and a clementine. I know the logic of eating and fitness and nutrition but I still sometimes restrict. Just stay positive and think HEALTHY... don't think THIN.

I wish everyone a pleasant weekend and a glorious holiday season.

P.S. For fitness inspiration, visit www.fitnesscure.com

What if you've been conditioned to talk negatively to yourself? Have you ever considered that the ones who speak negatively to themselves probably have been verbally abused as a child? I understand that talking negatively to yourself isn't the best thing to do, but for an abused person, it almost feels comfortable to talk crap about yourself.

I appreciate your posts about self-talk. We just posted our "Watch What You Think" video on Youtube that conveys a similar message in an eye catching way, thanks to our animated 'energy orbs.' You can find the video at:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f-aiJk5J76Y

When I was working with troubled youth a few years ago, I was given the priviledge of attending a two day workshop on suicide prevention. The main thing I learned was to get said person talking and being a good listener—–reading between the lines, so to speak, as to what the person was Really saying.

The Anatomy of Depression

Seems like most of the comments (and this article) are directed to the women. Men do it too - usually at such a breakneck pace no one seems to notice - directly from "Look at my gut" to "think I'll wear sweats today" in no time flat.

I agree with who ever said it's best to dress for your body style. Ditch anything in your closet that is ill fitting or unflattering.

Don't think of your next shopping trip as an overindulgence, it's just that thinking that lets us grab the first thing off the rack that says it is our size - this just perpetuates the problem.

Try things on, look in the mirror, get an honest opinion. Having the right wardrobe is more about making you comfortable in your everyday than most people realize.

Dress in things that make you feel good. While this doesn't fix everything that goes on in our daily lives, it certainly helps more than hurts.