Fat Kid Phobia: A Personal Rant

Here is the BMI calculator used for children in Australia (or at least in the state of NSW).

Link

Hey Jim,

GREAT topic! But this isn't just happening in Australia, though. I blogged about a similar study in Canada of parents who were asked to grade their child's weight as well as other children's weight.

Here were the confusing results:

OTHER KIDS: 6% received an A
MY KIDS: 40% received an A

Worst of all, only 9 percent of parents admitted their child is overweight, although over one-fourth of Canadian children under the age of 18 are currently overweight or obese.

Hmmmm, it seems denial ain't just a river in Egypt! These kind of studies should force parents to deal with their own weight problem to start setting the right example for their kids. Otherwise, we're headed straight for 100% obesity as this grim study recently predicted.

Keep up the GREAT work, Jim!

Jimmy Moore, author of "Livin' La Vida Low-Carb"

Oh, I loved "Little Miss Sunshine"! Great movie :)

I know exactly what you mean with this phenomenon...I work with a woman who weighs about 300 pounds and has a stepdaughter who is quite overweight. She monitors this girl's food intake like a hawk and tells her what she can and can't wear (because it makes her look fat). It's almost like she has to make herself feel better by putting her stepdaughter down.

This is not a black and white discussion! There are honest ways to talk to and inform a child of health issues. It seems to me that when people use the 'try' word, they are not doing what they are talking about. I suspest that if people did the thing they say they are 'trying' to do we would have a very different and better world!

"but who gets to decide my child is overweight -- and by what definition"

The WHO, the U.S. CDC, et al., get to decide--there's quite a bit of research on this, and they are familiar with it. The definition for kids, at least the CDC version, is here: http://www.cdc.gov/nccdphp/dnpa/bmi/childrens_BMI/about_childrens_BMI.htm

As can be seen, it's rather more complex for kids than for adults.

The issues of whether a parent should be concerned about hurting their child's self esteem, and whether the child is objectively fat, are unrelated. There's no reason to say anything at all to a fat child. But there's an argument to be made that delusionary parents are part of the problem.

Also, "model thin" (BMI 18ish) is a straw man. Who's saying that? The study referenced in the article quoted didn't use that standard.

Mark said:
"but who gets to decide my child is overweigh[...]

Who gets to decide at what point my child's weight is a problem and why should I believe them? I'm not talking extremes (i.e. morbid obesity) here.

What's the point of making a big noise about the alarming number of "objectively fat" children - without also offering constructive insights into (a)Why this is a problem and (b)What should a parent do about it.

If a parent is not well-equipped then they may well hurt a child's self esteem leading to many years of disordered eating or unhealthy weight loss methods.

This is a very tricky situation. I think it's legitimate to worry about obesity in children but what exactly could a parent do? I constantly hear stories about how when someone was younger, their parents told them to stop eating so much or tried to put them on a diet, and now they have an eating disorder.
No one wants to hear that they need to lose weight. But some say that the parents are responsible, that they shouldn't be feeding their kids such fattening food. I think maybe parents should set a good example for their children by getting exercise with them, and having healthy food in the house.I don't think they should try to do it for them. Just point them in the right direction.

I don't overfeed my kids and I start them working out with me when they are 2. They never ask me if they are fat.

I think we all share the responsibility for making sure children are healthy. Yes, parents can make sure that their children have healthy foods, limited TV/video game/computer time, and adequate exercise. But also, advertisers can be required to stop targeting children with fast food like happy meals, sugary cereals and soda. Schools can serve healthier lunches, get rid of vending machines that sell junk, and bring back PE funding so that children have access to more than a couple hours a week of supervised play/sports.

Ensuring that our children are healthy is more than just asking parents whether their children are overweight or obese.

That calculator is messed up. I entered my own stats from when I was 11 and it told me I was overweight. I was 5'1 and 112lb then, and I was so skinny my bones were visible.

Mark said:
The WHO, the U.S. CDC, et al., get to decide--there's quite a bit of research on this, and they are familiar with it.[...]

That's right, Mark. Let's all just shut up and blindly trust the authorities. You know what though, I just might if they had us use calipers instead of the scale.

I remember being an overweight kid...not obese or anything, but definitely fatter than most of my friends. In 5th grade, they weighed everyone and took our body fat using calipers in school. They gave us a "report" showing us whether our weight and body fat were normal or not. I remember looking at mine...my body fat was JUST below the limit for "failing" the test. Plus, all the kids made fun of me because the nurse had to move the "100 lb" bar on the scale.

I'm sorry, Spectra, that must have been very hurtful. We are showing 'them' now though, are we not?

If a child is really becoming obese, there are ways to help them lose weight without putting the burden of health statistics on them. But I really object to how some schools are sending home reports that tell us our children are fat. They're being stigmatized in a way. There needs to be a distinction between true obesity and merely overweight. A lot of kids are chunky in childhood and slim right down once they start going through puberty--with no diets or additional exercise.

I agree. If your daughter asks if her tummy is too big, you're right to tell her she's beautiful just the way she is. Because she is.

I blogged about this today since a comment here simply isn't enough space to adequately say what I wanted to!

Jan said:
That calculator is messed up. I entered my own stats from when I was 11 and it told me I was overweight. I was 5'1 and 112lb then, and I was so skinny my bones were visible.[...]

Well, that's the BMI for ya....a 10-year old girl who is 4'10" and 95-pounds is overweight; a 12-year old girl who is 4'10" and 95-pounds is normal weight. Go figure - they're the same height, same weight - one is two years old than the other.

Think you'd peg the younger one overweight if she were standing next to the older one?

Excellent post! I only hope my blog will one day be as good as yours but I now I love to read all your post. I can see parents thinking their childred as not overweight but the truth is, our ideal of what is normal and overweight has changed.

People don't get overweight or obese from eating too much. They get overweight from eating poor foods, and making poor food choices.

It would have to be one of the biggest obesity myths around that people become overweight from eating too much, and it is simply not true. *What* you eat has a far more profound effect on your weight and wasitline thatn how much.

Maybe we should stop telling our kids to eat less, and start teaching our kids good habits and teaching them to eat and enjoy healthy, whole foods. The best way to do this is to lead by example, and eat healthy whole foods ourselves.

Jim said:
Who gets to decide at what point my child's weight is a problem and why should I believe them? I'm not talking extremes (i.e. morbid obesity) here. [...]

There are several issues here:

1. most parents of overweight children are usually overweight themselves and have in mind a different "ideal" body size than nutritionists or other experts. The same is true of pet owners.
2. if parents of overweight children acknowledge that their children are overweight that means they may have to address their own eating habits. Many parents are reluctant to do that
3. You (Jim) are far better educated than the average parent so you may be right in thinking it's a non issue for you. Ultimately it is up to the parent to decide, but many parents do not have the skills and knowledge to know when their child is "fat"
4. The BMI is a blunt instrument. It is unable to take into account different bone strucure. I notice for example, that the BMI scale on the link provided does not take into account ethnicity. Polynesians for example have heavier skeletal structure, so BMI may show an individual as overweight when they are a health weight.
5. The same is true of heavily muscled athletes. Most of the All Blacks rugby team are obese on BMI scale

It is incredibly hard to tell any child that they are overweight, which is why you don't - all their playmates will do that. Instead you focus on educating them with new habits.

I was raised by a former professional model who had very high standards (equate this with low weight) for herself and me. I was 5' and 100 pounds the first time I went on a real diet. It was a seventh grade and just beginning to hit puberty. According to today's BMI I was always in the middle to the middle high of the normal range while growing up, but because I had a judge who had her own messed up view of the world, mine developed the same way.
Today, I work in a middle school where I see a wide range of kids, we have Phy Ed. every day and try to cultivate a culture of fitness, but there are at least 35% of our students who look flabby in the belly, hips, arms, etc.
It is a really difficult issue. I'm sure my mother thought she was doing her best to keep me healthy. Instead, the result was a child with shattered self esteem and a twisted view of what weight was healthy.

This is such a hard issue! I grew up feeling bad about myself and my body. If there were a way of teaching children (and adults) that people come in different shapes and sizes and that we should all be striving to take care of our bodies by making healthy food choices and exercising regularly that would be ideal. By making a narrow window of "healthy" weight those who are outside that window are made to feel like there's something wrong with them even though they're making healthy choices in their life. On the flip side, those who are within that window don't feel like they have to make healthy choices because their weight is within a certain parameter.

My own children are genetically slender (from their dad's side) and they have no societal incentive to eat well and exercise (10 & 15 y.o. boys). I can only lead by example and have healthy food around while they're at home. I talk to them about making healthy choices and I hope that some of it is sinking in. They both choose not to eat fast food or school cafeteria food, so maybe there's a glimmer of hope:-).

Also, the debate rages on about what's healthy and what's not. Kids still get a lot of low-fat indoctrination at school. Telling kids they're fat and then putting them on low-fat diets could be counter productive and even harmful.

Regina W said:
Well, that's the BMI for ya....a 10-year old girl who is 4'10" and 95-pounds is overweight; a 12-year old girl who is 4'10" and 95-pounds is normal weight. Go figure - they're the same height, same weight - one is two years old than the other. [...]

Nope. Also, the 10-year-old may be the girl that had her period already and now has hips, and the 12-year-old may still be shaped like a child and have a bit of baby fat in her stomach. If you add different development rates, we might actually think the normal weight girl is the chubbier one.

Good for you for protecting your child's self-esteem, at the end of the day, that's the most important thing. As a psychologist working exclusively in the areas of body and eating, you'd be shocked to know how many people sit in my office repeating 5 or 6 careless little words that still colour how they see themselves 30 years down the line!

Cari, you're right about how those "careless little words" can affect people for a lifetime. If we don't take the time to evaluate those comments, they sink down into the subconscious and fester there, eventually shading our thoughts and then actions with negativity.

Louise Hay once said that the only diet we need is to "take a diet from negative thoughts" and then loving attitudes and behaviors toward ourselves and others will follow. Kudos to you Jim, for showing a loving attitude toward your daughter!

Thanks for your rant, I completely agree!

When my daughter was two and a half her pediatrician looked at her height-weight chart. He made some calculations with a calculator, and then turned to me with a concerned look. He gave me a short lecture about the childhood obesity epidemic, and told me I shouldn't let my child so much T.V. or feed her so much fast food.

I let him know that my daughter rarely watched T.V. and had never so much as tasted a McDonald's french fry. I was disgusted. Just by one simple calculation, the pediatrician thought he had clear insight into my daughter's life. I took her out of the practice and found a new pediatrician.

We should not be labeling kids obese. We should be working together to provide them a healthy environment, healthy foods, and encourage enjoyable physical activity. . . and then let our kids be kids.

Andrew

Bookview brings up really important issues.

with all this arguing and the way the perfect body is pasted all over the media ( not to mention even most models look like that - or they look like anoexic heroine addicts) is it any wonder so many adults are in need of mental health when it comes to thier bodies. Let alone start in on kids who go through 'chubby' stages in thier lives . Growing spurts take lots of calories.
it takes them from growing spurts to being at ease with thier weight which spirals from there because some doctor or parent doesn't have enough sence to know to leave well enough alone sometimes.

Those who have more than one child who has grown up and see ( especially in boys) when they were chunky and then shot up 4-6 inches later in a year . Imagine someone who didn't know they needed that extra weight.

At my house, weight has become a none issue in the last year. I started running, swimming and biking and my husband started weight training and biking. We make sure that 90% of our meals are made from 100% whole foods and make snacking on fruits and veggies fun. (he actually ordered a salad at the restaurant, on his own, without out suggestion and we said he was allowed fries)

We made a choice to be healthy and be there for him.

I think more parents need to change their habits and teach good habits and nutritional choices at a young age.

This has been bothering me to a great extent for quite some time and I`m hoping to get insight here. My 6 year-old niece is fairly overweight. Enough so that her pediatrician recommended an eating and exercise plan for her when she was around 4. Her parents are also overweight and there is a lot of packaged, low-nutrition food in the house.

When the doctor recommended this diet they thought that it was excessive and that she would simply grow out it and lose her "baby fat". Of course she has only gotten heavier. The subject is off-limits because they feel that her self-esteem will suffer and they do not want her to start a cycle of dieting at her age.

She has started pre-school and of course a boy in her class calls her fat. She gets hot & tired when playing with her cousins and she doesn't like physical activity in general, preferring to watch a video. She also eats large portions and will ask for sweets even after having had desert to the point where we tell her she`ll make herself sick.

What can we do to help her given the circumstances? What would you do?

You won't like this, but my opinion is to stay out of it. She is your niece, not your daughter, and her parents will not like your interference. You can set a good example when she visits you, but I wouldn't preach. For what it's worth, I feel your pain. Perhaps someone else on here will offer something better.

Eeve. There is no 5 point quick fix. I believe that childhood weight issues require a holistic approach that looks at all facets of lifestyle.

Without the parents being "on-board" this makes it very difficult indeed. Do the parents believe that weight is an issue for them (health problems etc)? Would they be interested in lifestyle change?

As for the child - at least when she visits you - you could cultivate a relationship with her where she feels loved and accepted the way she is. It could be a place where she can begin to talk about what is happening at school and how she feels about it.

She is at the very beginning of a vicious cycle. In many ways all you can do is demonstrate to her a different lifestyle.

I agree with Dr. J on this one. There is nothing you can do for your niece, but you could maybe get the parents (the mother or the father, whichever is your sibling) to maybe try to make a change in their lifestyle for the sake of the child.

My 10-year-old niece is also pretty overweight, but the parents allowed her to grow up without eating a single vegetable or fruit. She is overweight and her brother is seriously underweight and malnourished, he is 9 but is the size of a 6 year-old, which is especially shocking considering he comes from a family of tall people on both sides - his sister's projected height is 6'. There is nothing much you can do. I tried to get her to take a bite of a strawberry when she was 7 once and she cried for 2 hours afterwards after spitting it out. It is their child, after all, and they do as they see fit.

Parents are often blind not just about weight. My niece also had a birthmark on her nose. I urged them to go to a doctor to have it removed while she was a baby, because it would be easier on her and because I feared she was going to be teased later (which she was - her nickname was "poopoo nose"), but my sister-in-law insisted it was a cute birthmark and we should leave it as is. Last year, the pediatrician suspected it was a cancerous tumor during a checkup and it was. They'd left it there growing for 10 years. Now the poor thing needs a second surgery to reconstruct the tip of her nose, and had to undergo radiation. It is as if you say something, you are implying their genes are at fault somehow.

False praise is very damaging and a "cute round tummy" means there is fat accumulating around your daughter's organs, her heart, her spleen, her pancreas, gall bladder...

It's just not cute, it's fatal.

I would hug my daughter, tell her she is beautiful and after she goes to sleep at night I would empty my home of every empty calorie food.

I'm at the market every day or two because food worth eating is fresh and unrefined.

I know it's not popular to say but if your daughter is fat it's your fault, you do the grocery shopping.

Now go fix it.

Housewife, I think you misunderstand. Jim's daughter is not fat, but like most healthy children, she does not have a completely flat stomach. Usually that is only found in underweight children. You also jump to the conclusion he is feeding her empty calories. Are you one of those people who believes that given only healthy food, we'd all be ectomorphs? Jim created this blog, I'm sure he feeds his family very healthy meals.

I've read your blog and I understand there are lots of parents out there feeding their kids Cheetos, McDonald's, hamburger soup, and tater tot casseroles, but you need to get off your high horse assuming you are the only parent in their world feeding their children right.

There's some good points here and I applaud any parent who takes the time to buy fresh and unrefined foods.

As for me and mine - for the most part we eat reasonably healthy -- but we are still a busy busy family and totally identify with the issues of convenience foods, pester power, etc, etc

I think we're getting lost in semantics. There are some people out there with very large bellies - and there is certainly a correlation between abdominal visceral fat and health issues. I'm not talking about them - what I am talking about is that people do actually come in different shapes and sizes.

My daughter is not skinny. She can run. She's very good at soccer. She can bang out 10 "proper" press-ups (i.e. from the toes not from the knees). She's healthy, she's interesting.

I like to focus on those things rather than the roundness of her abdomen.

My mom was always the unhealthy eater in our family and my dad was a lot healthier. It's a good thing for me and my siblings that my dad did all the food shopping in our house and bought mostly whole, unrefined foods. I do think though, that my mom especially had a skewed version of what she considered "normal" weight for a kid. She always thought my sister was "skinny"...my sis was in fact pretty average at 125 lbs and 5'3". She thought I was "normal" at 170 lbs and 5'3". When I lost weight, she thought I should stop losing when I got down to about 140 or so (I was technically still overweight at that point). When I got down to where I am now (108 lbs), she now tells me that I am "anorexic and a pile of bones", even though I am not. I think part of it is that she doesn't really know how much I weigh. She probably underestimates it because it's been so long since she's been a normal weight herself. I wonder if that's the case with other parents as well.

Spectra your probably right. I noticed the same with myself. The fat people told me my lost weight was too much and i am too skinny, the skinny people told me i looked nice, and everyone in between didn't notice.

maybe this website should show how a fith grader can loose weight and then alot more people in the world not just in australia its happening all around the world and alot of people need help like me so if someone can help me get on a website that acualy has a diet for fith graders that would be great just e-mail me and ill be so greatfull and whoever does that thank you and i hope someom=nee out there is that sweet who can help me and take the consederation that you theres alot of other people out there that are fat not just obesadies and they need your help and want it and you probably can make a change in the world by helping someone else and guess how old i am im 10 and this stuff that im saying is coming out of a 10 year olds mouth that means something is realy going on in the world and we all need to help people in our own way including ourselves so thank you for reading mime and if you have any questions or concerns about what i said just e-mail me and thank you and have a nice day bye

maybe this website should show how a fith grader can loose weight and then alot more people in the world not just in australia its happening all around the world and alot of people need help like me so if someone can help me get on a website that acualy has a diet for fith graders that would be great just e-mail me and ill be so greatfull and whoever does that thank you and i hope someom=nee out there is that sweet who can help me and take the consederation that you theres alot of other people out there that are fat not just obesadies and they need your help and want it and you probably can make a change in the world by helping someone else and guess how old i am im 10 and this stuff that im saying is coming out of a 10 year olds mouth that means something is realy going on in the world and we all need to help people in our own way including ourselves so thank you for reading mime and if you have any questions or concerns about what i said just e-mail me and thank you and have a nice day bye

i'm fat what do i do?hhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllllpppppppppppp

I don't overfeed my kids and I start them working out with me when they are 2. They never ask me if they are fat.