Social Stigma = Eat More?

I have never used any. I'd just go home or if I couldn't make it that far, lock myself in a bathroom stall and cry. While I never ate because of these comments, I did feel I didn't deserve to go out, so that made it harder to exercise and eat healthy (exercise bike at home + frozen canned vegetables were the solutions). So even if you don't eat because of it, it always hurts you and helps you stay fat.

I used to just brush off negative comments and I focused on my "inner beauty" a lot. I put a lot of effort into my schoolwork because I was good at it and it made me feel good about myself. I also used to put down thin people and figure they were either lucky to be thin naturally or crazy to watch what they ate that much. I always secretly envied my thin friends who had guys all over them. I always told myself that a real man would love me for who I was inside and not because of my body, etc...I also kind of glorified my fatness, I guess...figuring "real women have curves". Now that I'm thinner and healthier, I see heavy people doing the same things I used to do and it's too bad that our culture is so anti-fat that fat people almost have to justify their own existance. How sad is that? We need to emphasize health over skinniness and that'll be the only way to get everyone on the same page.

As the mother-in-law & mother of young people who have
a little meat on their bones:
I still hand out alot of compliments. My daughter-in-law has great fashion style and I really appreciate her.
She is a shortiegirl also so her styling sense really
stands out to me. She presents alot to brag about:)
My son is over 6ft tall so he carries his weight w/out
much comment fr others. ..when he stands up, the comments usually aubside. He also is a fine dresser and
never let weight hold back his wardrobe.
Comments fr my vegetarian son (older) aren't as easy to deal with. He gains weight if he doesn't watch what he eats. An opinionated sibling is hurtful esp when comments
are pointed instead of graceful.

I definitely was one of those who coped with depression about being overweight by eating. Some people say that you can't lose weight until you fix the issues that are driving you to overeat. Well, after a lifetime of being overweight I've figured out that my drive to overeat was caused by... being overweight in the first place. Since I've lost the excess weight, I no longer have the urge to overeat or comfort myself with food.

Like Spectra, I coped with being overweight by glorifying my curves while secretly envying "naturally" thin people (who I now realise eat much the same way that I do now).

As for negative comments from family members, I have actually had to endure more negative comments from my mother since I lost weight. Some people actually feel threatened when we take charge of our health. But that's a whole other story...

Being heavy is difficult. I was not obese, but I was overweight to the point where my mom commented on my weight and told me to lose the weight. I was 5'7" 161 lbs. So far I have lost about 15 lbs.

Also, in my field overweight individuals are looked down upon. Being overweight is no fun and I've never even been obese so I know it must really be tough for them.

Poor health, and THEN you have to deal with comments from people. It ain't easy.

I ate more when soured by mean people.
When I got married it was easier to keep the weight off because my husband didn’t ridicule me about my weight.
I had negative comments before and after by some people but this time, some people are abusive no matter what.

I've always been a little on the heavy side. Enough so that I was tagged with the nickname of "Moose" and "Tubby" in high school.

I was 6' 1" and 212 lbs when I graduated High School. At my biggest weight, I was 375 earlier this year. I'm now down to 340 and moving lower.

You know what really PO's me? When someone calls me "Slim"!

In my younger days, my favorite come back was the classic "Yeah, I may be fat, but you're ugly and I can always lose weight." I'm now proving that I CAN lose weight!

Don

About that inappropriate comments from doctors.

I recently went to my Dr. and asked him about help with depression. He zeroed in on my weight (I am 280lbs, 6'1" male). I ended up leaving with no help on my depression, and his advice on my weight: He "prescribed" (even wrote it on a prescription form) that I buy a calorie counter, and "cut back" to a 2500-3000 calorie diet.

Umm... doctor dude. I am already at a 2200 calorie diet normally. It takes 1500-2000 calories for me to lose any weight at all, and it is very difficult to maintain that in spite of depression - which you chose not to treat.

What bugged me was his instant assumption that I was just stuffing my face. I deal with this assumption all the time. Friends of mine know that isn't the case.

I have one friend, she is 5'10 and weighs 120 lbs. I have to be careful when I order food to take to her, because what I consider a "normal portion" is.. too small for her. Several times she's had to go get MORE food after I bring her food. We probably eat about the same amount in the end, yet she's "skinny" and I'm "obese"...

I am also quite active. I'm 32 now. For a number of years in my 20s I rode a bicycle as primary transportation. My weight then was exactly the same as it is now. My body stabilized at about 19 years old to a weight of 280, and it takes immense effort to lose any weight at all. Weight comes right back within weeks when I do manage to lose it. I never really gain past 280 either. It seems that is where my body is "happy", and it will adjust its metabolism, slow it or speed it, just to stay right there.

What is most annoying is when in a restaurant, and the person I'm with has ordered something greasy, fatty, etc, and I've ordered a salad. Numerous times the server has "forgotten" which person ordered the salad, and hands it to the wrong person, giving me the heavy meal instead. Just because I *MUST* be going to stuff my face, right?

Alvin, although you are a man so it is less common, have you had your thyroid checked? It is a major cause of depression, and I think it is good to do so before you go on antidepressants, just in case. Make sure the doctor tests the real thyroid hormones, T3 and T4, in their Free forms (the real hormones in your blood), not just TSH. TSH is a poor measure.

Although men don't tend to have thyroid problems as often as women, with all the environmental exposure we have out there now, it is a possibility anyway.

Nice Girl, your post makes me very sad.

If you were 5'7" and 161, then you had a BMI of 25.2. Most experts say that a BMI of up to 24.9 is healthy. That means that you had only 0.3 of your BMI to lose to no longer be overweight. (And, I would hardly classify that as "heavy"!) Yet, you say you've lost 15#s "so far". That means you now have a BMI of 22.9, which is incredibly healthy. But, it doesn't sound like you're happy with that. What will it take for you to feel comfortable in your skin?

(**Disclaimer: I don't necessarily beleive that BMI is the absolute best measure of what's healthy; but it is a good starting point and can be effective when used with other methods.)

Alvin - I agree that you should get your thyroid checked. I would also suggest that you see another doctor about your depression. In my experience, and observation, being significantly overweight is often linked with depression. When I was at my heaviest I was clinically depressed and just didn't care about my weight. At least my doctor had the commonsense to tackle my depression before my weight.

Also, do you weight train? I have found it the best strategy to reverse my formerly sluggish metabolism.

I have been a super sized person for many years. My come back to negative comments about my weight is: "Oh, you noticed I'm fat? Gee, I was planning on keeping it a secret."

I haven't dealt with negative comments too often since highschool...
It's actually usually the opposite-- Perhaps it's being overweight but not obese, but I just don't often see a stigma at all anymore. I mean, I'm overweight and always get hit on, and people in my life (even just casually) usually tell me I'm too hard on myself.

One exception is running-- not from serious runners (who are usually very nice) but younger girls or boys (teens/early twenties) that are obviously just getting into it--- I defeat that the simplest way possible-- either ignoring them, or smoking their arses!

Alvin et all, I too, have had negative comments. I've gone from 350lbs to 235lbs and at 5'9". I exercise regularly and look (darn) good for my age. No one would guess I weigh 235 at this point. I'm proud of what I have been able to accomplish without surgery and fad diets. It was my desire to be healthy rather than be skinny that finally got me to move on this.

But I'd not rely on a regular M.D. type doctor for depression. Most of them are overbooked by their medical corporations. Take your depression to a psychiatrist or psychologist who's not under a corporate clock. A psychiatrist can and will prescribe meds based on at minimum, fifty minutes of time, not the usual 15 minutes allowed at most regular M.D. physicians. They are also medical doctors and they are specialists in depression. They know the latest meds and what works well. Treatment can be ongoing if you choose either for meds and counseling or meds alone.

I have heard but have no proof, that many psychologists, psychiatrists, and counselors get as frustrated as we do when treating specifically for weight issues because weight and over-eating (or under-eating) is so BIG of a problem -- the 'whys' are elusive and usually go way back in our personal history. It's very difficult to figure out "why' we are the way we are, why we eat, how we got to be big or weird about food. It's best to do something about it (get some exercise and some antidepressants for starters) and wait for the "why" to come later if it does.

Most negative comments I've received, if any, come from doctors or physical therapists who have not seen me in the past (as heavy) but that I might go into current treatment with and when they see me now, they say "the reason for your hip trouble is..." implying that I'm too heavy (still) and if I'd just lose some weight all my problems would be solves. And I think and sometimes have said, "Well, you shoulda seen me back then if you think THIS is heavy!"

I don't mean to be offensive, but I hate it when obese people complain that public utilities are "too small"; we've never had that problem in the past - ever stop to think that maybe YOU are just too big? -.-

Meg I agree with you there. Things in public places are and will always be built to accomodate the majority. I am short and I face a lot of "physical barriers" because of it. I can't find a single chair anywhere where when I sit, my feet touch the ground. On the bus, I can't reach the bars we are supposed to hold on to, so I have to ask someone if I can hold on to the top of their seats. And forget reaching the top shelf at the store - I can't reach the second and third from the top either. But I don't feel depressed cause "society is discriminating against me". I realize the average person is quite a bit taller than me, and I make it work.

So if people need to take 2 seats on the bus or use a handicapped stall in the bathroom because they are fat, why don't they just go ahead and do it, without feeling like the whole world is against them?

My two cents on some of the above posts: I have never been able to lose weight or maintain normal weight without restricting my diet to 1000-1500 calories per day and upping my physical activity level to about 60 minutes per day (walking, biking, gym cardio machines). In other words, I believe some of the above posters when they say that certain medically "recommended" calorie counts haven't resulted in loss of weight for them. I have had to drastically restrict my diet and actually periodically fast from food altogether 1-2 days a week in order to get and keep my weight under 200--all of which your normal MD probably would advise me against, but that's how my body works. Judgments aside, conflicting medical opinions aside, the bottom line is that if I'm carrying extra body fat, it's because I'm eating more than I actually need, plain and simple. I can either reduce my calories and/or increase my activity, and do each of these progressively until I finally begin to see some body-fat loss. When I have done this systematically and consistently, I have been able to keep the extra weight off.

Jock, when I first wanted to lose weight, I went to a doctor who put me on 600 calories a day. I was 230lb. The first month, I lost around 5lb - not that impressive. The second month, I lost a whole lot of hair, and 2lb. And I wasn't cheating. I was convinced then that I'd never lose weight, but I decided to do some reading and try some other stuff. To my surprise, once I started eating about 1,500 calories with slightly less carb, I started losing a lot of weight. Then when I changed to even less carb (nowhere near ketosis or low-carb, just from the usual 70% in a low-fat diet first to around 55%, then to around 45%), weight was dropping so fast I had to up my calories to around 1,700 and then 1,900, which in theory should have been maintenance for me. By the time I was 140lb, I was eating 2,100 calories a day to lose.

So while I agree that it is about knowing your body, calories are only one piece of the puzzle. I still had the same body and very crappy metabolism as before (no thyroid, fat family), but changing what I ate a bit changed my calorie needs.

heya all...interesting topic...I hope I can say something here I can't say anywhere else.

I moved to a rural area from an urban suburb where "thin was in"...fat was not tolerated to an extreme. Where I live now is a place where the women (and men) for the most part are "economy sized". ya know...bulky.

So....I felt so out of place and proceded to gain 5lbs per year for the past 5 years of living here and now am really uncomfortable with myself.

I still eat as I used to in the 'burbs and have a very active lifestyle...I have no clue why the weight gain. I really think I'm "blocked" about losing the weight (I know...sounds pathetic) for fear of that (what I percieved to be) attitude about being thin. (I hear comments about the gals I know who are thin...like.."must be nice for her.. being so thin") Like it's a bad thing. I just seem to "fit in" better now...although I'm really not happy with myself.

It's awful to realize that folks here judge others negatively for being thin. ...thanks for listening

lynnann, I don't think 5lb is that noticeable a change, even in someone short. It is the type of change you yourself notice, but not anyone else, so if you were considered abnormally thin there, you still are. And 5 years is a bit of time, so if you were pretty young when you moved there (early 20s), 5 years will be enough to change your body composition, even with the same activity level, and gain the 5lb.

The theory that we get bigger or smaller to fit our surroundings is interesting though...

Thanks Jan...I wish I was 20's again. I'm 56 and moved here at 51. The additional 25-30lbs on my frame..mostly the middle of it is the problem. (yes...I do know about mid-life middle). I guess I just wanted to make the point that "fat bashing" is an urban problem...while "thin-bashing" may be a rural issue. lynnann

I actually lived in a city for a while where the different immigration meant chubby was pretty, and thin was not. I've never been stick thin, and I was often called a type of fish that is long and thin and stick-shaped... to them it was def. an offense, but I couldn't help but feel great to be "thin bashed". It is strange, isn't it? I was just complaining about being fat bashed and now I'm admitting to enjoying this. I'm a total hypocrite.

I believe in your case, it could be related to hormonal issues, since that is what causes "middle age middle", cause progesterone lowers much earlier than estrogen, causing fat that is particularly in the mid section, even with the same eating and exercise levels. I'm not sure how you feel about HRT or if you are on it, but if you are, you might wanna look into natural progesterone and bioidentical hormones. Suzanne Sommers' book on it is actually a great resource, I recommend it.

Alvin - laugh at the waiters and carry on. Not joining the group that tells you what to do but as sharing something I found enjoyable and healthy, try sticking to dark whole grain breads and make your own if possible.

It is possible to have fun with food too without going to bad foods. World recipes is one way.

Try some (again, home recipes) central - west- south Asian vegetarian diets (diets in the sense of what you eat for nutrition, that is, what those populations eat regularly lifelong - as opposed to what you are supposed to starve on); home recipes, because typically South Asian food undergoes a transormation towards more butter and so on in restaurants, and those tastes and recipes do not confirm to home meals of the region. Home food in that region amounts to a package deal of three or four items per meal, simply cooked, with one table spoon of butter or oil for seasoning per item for a family meal (so you get about one spoon per day for your individual meal) - and the groups consist of salad, beans (daal) varied every day, vegetables (cooked) locally in season, and breads (variety of grains). Tabouleh of west Asia pretty much combines it all in one, too.

Have fun and as long as you are in good health ignore people.

By the way have you heard about the obsity virus? It is recent research, it has been identified, and National Geographic showed a program last year about it, perhaps it can be found on the net (program, not virus, virus must be all around in all probability).

The physical barriers are due to a measurement survey from the 1940's, when people were slimmer than today. Another one is planned, but it will be several years before the new standards are used. People who make the accommodations are relying on outdated measurements because that's all they have to go on.

My favorite quote is from Ron White. He talks about how technology is so advanced today that doctors can fix a broken arm, a leg, even a heart. He than says but "You can't fix stupid." People who make fun of others do so because they don't feel well about themself. I find myself doing it as well. When I am in a bad mood, I let little things bother me that normally wouldn't. Than I might just make mean remarks about things I read on the internet and don't agree with, become more judgmental, and even get angry over comercials and tv personalities I don't like. It just makes me feel worse! Than I realize that I just think about Ron White and I remember that I am being stupid, and I stop. Than I remember that tomorrow is a new day, and I don't have to wait until tomorrow to feel better, I can feel better right now. I tell myself that life is a gift, and I don't have to feel this way, I don't want to feel this way; I don't want to waste another second of my life feeling sad or angry or jealous or hateful or in a lie. I deserve to be happy and kind and patient and truthful, and that's how I love feeling. So I just remember, I DONT HAVE TO FEEL THIS WAY! Life is a gift! I am not fat, I am in great shape, I have abs, muscles, I play sports,so on and etc. Those things don't bring happiness. Trust me! What brings happiness is happiness!