Unsolicited Advice: Everyone's a Critic
Many people feel it's okay to give unsolicited advice about weight or diet. On the other hand some people feel it's necessary to begin an interrogation when they see you've lost some pounds.
It seems that those who make the comments are those who are preoccupied with their own weight.
From Philly.com:
Yesterday when I was picking my son up from school, one of the mothers walked up to me and said she has something for me to aspire to. She tried to hand me a very small pair of jeans. I politely said, "No, thank you." This woman knows about all of the weight I have lost. She asked me two more times if I wanted the jeans and again I said, "No, thank you." All the while she was explaining how these jeans would help me lose the rest of my weight.
In another article, fashionista Elizabeth Walker describes how she went through a difficult time of serious illness. A side effect of the sickness was weight loss. Despite the illness, the weight loss alone elicited a number of comments:
"Wow, Liz, you look amazing," said the first. I was slightly taken aback but very flattered.It seems wherever you go, you are under scrutiny."Gosh, you've lost so much weight, you look great," said another. There were about 50 people at the lunch; I knew every one of them and most said something similar - some even asked what diet I had been on. I thanked each graciously but explained to just a couple of them that I had been seriously ill, asking them to spread the word.
Written By J. Foster
Having lost 83 pounds now, I often get cross-examined about how I've done it. When I explain that I simply walk every day, and eat nutritious well-balanced meals, I get everything from "Oh, I can't do that" to outright disbelief. "No, really. How did you do it?"
ReplyI try to be good-natured about it, but some days it wears kind of thin.
When I had gained a lot of weight people would always say things such as "should you be eating that?"
Then when I lost weight they would look at me skeptical and say "are you eating enough?" I am still overweight just thinner than I was. Everybody seems to want to believe that you're doing it the wrong way.
ReplyBeing a "big loser" myself (94 pounds so far), I also frequently get asked, "What's your secret?" When I explain that there is no secret and I just watch what I eat and exercise, those who are not serious about losing weight are genuinely disappointed that there really is no secret. Those who are serious will then probe me about what I eat and how much I exercise.
As far as giving unsolicited advice, I've been so pleased with my results and I feel so great compared to the way I used to feel that I want everyone I love to be able to feel this good. So I when I see them living unhealthy lifestyles, it's very hard not to say something. But, I usually bite my tongue. So, I can understand why people do give out unsolicited advice.
ReplyMost of the faculty at my high school don't talk to me about my weightloss (it's an obvious amount- 120+lbs so far), and the kids, from what I pick up, comment amongst themselves. I was never very approachable before I lost weight, and I'm still rather reserved in social settings, so I figure that it's my own attitude that keeps people in check. I don't want to be spoken to about it, really, unless I very much like the guy or gal speaking.
What's a bummer is that the few comments I have gotten are "Hey, Skinny!" and "You lost it safely, of course-?".
... So, they don't know my name, and assume that I am incapable of adopting a healthy lifestyle. I know that they don't mean it that way, but truly, you'd think they might be a little picky with their word choices. It's like an extreme spectrum of silence and near-arrogance. Interesting.
ReplyWhat I don't like is "I hate you!"
ReplyPeople were extremely sure I had done something unhealthy when I first lost the weight...
Replymostly because I was quite young and in addition to losing about 25 or 30 lbs during the summer, I also grew a few inches, which made look much slimmer that I would have otherwise.
However, after I stopped losing the weight, those comments dissipated.
The bad thing is that as soon as girls saw me they would either tell me that I was disturbed and walk off in a huff, or badger me about ways to lose weight EVERY SINGLE DAY. It became quite bothersome.
I think I'm use to it after all these years, and I tend to freely distribute advice where I thin it's appropriate. Many people come to me about the basics of nutrition (calories, exercise, the general weight loss formula [calories in vs. calories out]) I've read so many books on the topic (including a university biology textbook which gave me quite a bit of insight more into the human body than I had prior), and have talked to so many people that I now know as much or more about nutrition than many of the dieticians I've met.
The only problem is, that I tend to comment on foods without realizing that it's not always a good time to start ranting about the evils of junk food. I don't do it on purpose but then, I think my friends are use to it.
When I got done to 159 people started to freak out. Mind you I am only five one.
ReplyMy answer was I was losing on WW and they’ll kick me out if I get too low.
I didn’t have an answer the first time and I let it deeply effect me.
Some people feel threatened when you lose. One of the same people who teased me is now inspired by my lead and doing her own healthy eating plan.
I lost 31 lbs by eating less and moving more. People wanting to know, "how'd you do it?", don't want that simple of an answer. They want the secret formula. That's it. The secret. Eat less. Move more.
ReplyLots of people think I've always been thin because I've been thin for a while now, so I get comments a lot like "Wow, you're so lucky you're skinny". Luck has nothing to do with it...it takes effort for me to stay in shape. But when I was losing weight, lots of people asked me what I was doing to lose it. I told them I ate a lot of fruits, veggies, salads, and cut out the junk; plus I took up running. The response? "Oh, I could never do that. How do you think I could lose weight?" The answer is very simple...eat fewer calories than you do now and move more than you do now. There is no magic pill or shortcut.
ReplyWhen people ask how I keep slim, I say, "It's a habit," and give them my website address.
ReplyWhen people ask me about my weight loss and how I did it I am extremely proud and help them all I can. I explain that different things work for all people. For me it was a low carb/low fat diet and cardio. Everyone wants to tell me how unhealthy the diet is. (yes occasionally I'll eat something fatty instead of something High Carb) I actually had a co-worker go off on me, about it being ridiculous and not healthy (He eats pizza about 3 times per week for lunch!!!)
ReplyOver the last 4 years before I started properly, I would try to do the Atkins Diet, and usually I would quit after about a week (8 days was the record). I would go through all the stuff critics would say, headaches, fatigue, feeling like crap yada yada.
One day a lady in a supermarket, when I was looking at some slimming powder, simply said "You should try Atkins, it's worked wonders for me". I don't know if I was really sensitive that day, but I told her I had tried it and it wasn't for me! I really resented her for saying that, because it was none of her business! Why do strangers come up to fat people and suggest diets ? It's really insulting!
Well, now I've been on the 'Atkins Diet' for 10 months and I've lost 126 pounds. (160 more to go).
When people say - WOW, how did you do it. I say I did the Atkins Diet.
Now that the so-called craze is over, I basically get metaphorically spat on, like I am a biblical leper! Online I get chided and laughed at. I was told I will be dead by 40 because of a heart attack. I'm sure people are praying for my 'nutritional soul'.
Never mind the fact, that I didn't just eat meat, or make up my own idea of atkins because I read some article, or stuffed myself with cheese and bacon. Never mind the fact that I don't even like bacon, and I don't eat it! Never mind the fact that I now eat more fruit and veggies than I have in my entire life. That I eat more anti-oxidant rich foods than most people. That, with my supplements, I haven't fallen ill in 8 months (previously every 3 months of my life). Never mind the fact that my diet is more wholefoods, unprocessed and organic than even the most die-hard hippy! Never mind the fact that I now know more about cholesterol than most GPs. Never mind the fact that I know more about vegetables than people who call themselves vegetarians!
Beside all those facts above, I still get told by just about everyone (mostly online) that what I am doing is the wrong way.
So what I have learnt from all this, and it goes to this topic, is that if you are going to eat differently to our 'obesogenic society', then you are going to be criticised immensely.
ReplyI have no problem having people interrogate me about my weight loss and diet and I have no problem discussing it as long as I'm doing so with PEOPLE THAT I KNOW, Trust & LIKE. Example: my close friend once gave me a great exercise DVD. I truly appreciated the gesture and I knew that she had the best intentions for me. Example 2: A person who I had met the same day asked me why I "didn't exercise" assuming that I was fat because I didn't exercise. Oh, and she was overweight herself. Hhhmmm.
To have a total stranger or a mere acquintance ask personal questions or make indiscrete comments is just not right.
However I would go as far as express concern for a child that is overweight. That's a separate issue imho.
I think the articles show one instance where concern was perhaps misguided and the second case where people just didn't "get it" as to what they were actually complimenting. They would rather compliment the result of an illness (because thin is so desirable) than show concern for the illness? Sad!
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