The Toddler Miracle Diet
(satire) At last - an inexpensive 4 day meal plan. It is inspired by the svelte slim form of 2 year old kids the world over, and is perfect for the whole family.
Sample Meal Plan - Day 4 - (see the full diet here)
Breakfast: A quarter-tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap,What about exercise? If you happen to be a new parent - here are the calorie counts for a 170 pound new mom (courtesy of Phitchick):
an olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of Cornflakes, add a half
cup of sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to
dog.Lunch: Eat crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find
that sucker and finish eating it.Dinner: A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball on
plate. Stick of mascara for dessert.
chasing baby during diaper change ( 3 cal/min)
folding onesies, burp cloths, baby towels ( 2.7 cal/min)
grocery shopping ( 4.5 cal/min)
housecleaning ( 8 cal/min)
kissing the baby's chubby cheeks ( 1 cal/min)
mopping up food flung on floor ( 5.8 cal/min)
preparing family dinner ( 2.8 cal/min)
sweeping up cookie crumbs ( 3 cal/min)
washing dishes ( 2.9 cal/min)
watching kid video for jillionth time ( 1.4 cal/min)
Written By J. Foster
Not my cup of satire. I thought the exercise breakdown was cute but I didn't care for the idea of baby and diet in the same sentence. Nor did I care for the cheap shot at baby as a scape goat for the much needed humor in our lives. I even winched at the thought of the gross eating antics. (Where is the mother, ha ha?) Babies do some really cute oddities that make me chuckle. If it's feasible, you can put a funny spin to it. But far fetched doesn't work for me. Thank you for the idea though, I once was given a funny diet print out as a joke. I should find it and pass it on too. Sorry I hope I didn't hurt any feelings.
ReplyI have to laugh because my 1 year old has decided to add teething on Duke's chew bones [how many calories there?] (88lb 4 yr old lab/springer spaniel mix). I know what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Might want to blame kids, but I do wish I still had what they have. A drive to learn and explore while operating on the 'food is fuel'. When they are full, they stop eating and burn it off. We choose healthy food or mostly healthy and they don't have to work hard to burn it off.
ReplyOh man, my sister was totally that toddler. She ate EVERYTHING. Crayons, paste, chap sticks, the inside of a Stretch Armstrong doll (corn syrup, fyi), cat food, dog food, lipsticks, a scented marker...just about everything. My parents swore she had pica or something, but the pediatrician assured them it was normal toddler behavior. To this day she is definitely NOT a picky eater! :)
ReplyFor the first post, come on have a sense of humor! I have two kids aged 1 & 2 and that's about right. I don't let them eat anything but I'm sure if I didn't watch them they would. So come on in a world were we are innundated with diet crap it's good to have a laugh at the little things. I love my kids and how eager they are at trying everything and reading something that was obviously written by someone who is around toddlers its good to laugh Lighten up magmem!
ReplyMy 2 yr old prefers to wear food rather than actually put it in her mouth ;-)
ReplySounds like my nephew started the diet!
ReplyHe eats anything from bland boiled veggies to dog bikis....
I don't agree with magmem. As much as this type of humor isn't typically my style I can certainly see it there.
Using the word 'diet' and 'baby' in the same sentence isn't such a big deal. (in my opinion anyways). Diet is simply a term used to signify food and drink in terms of health.
Besides, these days the average person (North American mostly) is overweight anyways... and they don't seem to implement good eating habits on their babes.
- so no mater the the meaning behind someone using 'diet' and 'baby' in the same sentence I don't think there's any harm in it. If anything- all the power to it. Good healthy diets!
--- I think this was kinda cute actually.
Reply(ps. please don't yell about me about the North American / overweight comments. 1. I am North American - Canadian actually and 2. I could stand to lose a few of those Lb things myself at about 170Lbs after baby)
I don't think that's what you meant to say XD
Reply