Teen Obesity, Shame and Depression

Hey Shane,

I know what it's like to made fun of because of my weight. It can be horrible, I know this too well.

But I'll tell you something: There's more to a person than their weight. And if these people are making fun of you because of your weight, then they are just shallow. I pity them for making fun of you for something unimportant like your weight. You are worth so much, so don't give up.

Catherine is right. You are not the worthless one, the people making fun of you are.

At your age, I wouldn't diet - just try to eat better, like an apple instead of a dessert, baked chicken instead of fried, and get some activity. You'll lose weight.

Well i know how some of the people feel. I'm 16 years and I weigh 255. Just today I decided that I want to lose weight! So I decided to ask a guy friend. He about 140. He told no. But I know I need to lose weight so I'm going to do it for myself. Any whoever said u can't dress when ur big lied. I'm one of the baddest dresser at my school and believe me my school is big. But my weight is still unhealthy. I need to take control of that. But what should I do????

hi im jessica im 14 and i am kind of tall 5'8 and im 160!
im fat. but i have friends, and kind of poplur. but i dont know why. i need to lose weight. cuz i would like to be realy really confident. i eat way to much! i need to stop but its hard!i love food.
ok thanx :)
bye.
hi im jessica im 14 and i am kind of tall 5'8 and im 160!
im fat. but i have friends, and kind of poplur. but i dont know why. i need to lose weight. cuz i would like to be realy really confident. i eat way to much! i need to stop but its hard!i love food.
ok thanx :)
bye.

hi im 13 years old and i weigh 150 and im about 5'4 5'5 somewehere around there ummmmmm im pretty fat i have big legs and huge love handles i hate it...... my friends say that im not fat but i am plez give me some tips thanxx

Ach... yeah. Weightloss has never been easy. Especially for me. I've been big, ever since I can remember. And growing up, there were times I wished I could just disappear, and never come back.

It's sad, but true. I hated school, not really because of the teachers, but because I couldn't run away from the daily torture. I used to be a slow runner, and several of the kids in my class used to chase me around the playground, some with jump ropes, others with basketballs. You get the idea. I still have a mark where one of the ropes hit me, right on the back of my neck.

Anyway... I'm in college now, and even though I'm losing weight, I also struggle with deep depression. There are times I feel worthless, like I shouldn't even belong there. And after coming home for the holidays, the constant harassment from my folks, be it guilt trips, or whatnot, has been getting to me, as well.

As of posting this, I scored a 45 on a depression assessment test. And on this test, you have to score under 14.

As for whether obesity and depression are linked, of course. Why wouldn't they be? As for which came first, yes, it is hard to say. Before posting this, I was about to say the obesity - or, at least, that's what I thought it was for me. While that obviously did have a contributing factor, my parents weren't exactly the happiest bunch to be growing up with. My dad used to get constantly drunk, and all my mom would do is sit and whine about every little thing.

Ach... anyway, my point is, I think what it amounts to, is that depression, not necessarily of the child's, but of the parents, can, in turn, cause the child to become depressed, and if the eating habits of the parents are awful, then yes, they would carry off onto the child. As was in my case.

Now, and only now, am I trying to fight it. Although, I'm trying to lose the weight, and fight the depression. But sometimes, it's just so hard. My social life is nil. Sure, I have a few friends, but nothing more than that. I've never been in any kind of relationship, not because I didn't want to, but... yeah, you get the point...

Anyway... to anyone who has read this whole post, thanks for listening to me. I don't often have much of a voice around here (home), and usually when I try to talk to someone, it's either "I don't care" or "Shut up, I'm trying to watch this." Yeah, it's silly, and sad. But, it's true.

I wish everyone good luck, in whatever they are trying to achieve.

K, I'm listening. I've been there - the torture with basketballs (it broke my whole face, and I still have breathing problems) and it wasn't because I was fat, but because I was "weird". Try to remember that you did not deserve to be treated like that. It is not about you, it is about them, and what low self-esteem they have. They pick someone to torture to try to appear cooler, because they don't feel the other kids would like them otherwise.

I had a difficult home life as well, and I'm sure it reflects on my tendency to be depressed. I'm not on medication for it now, but have been in the past, and I wanted to say there is no shame in taking it if it makes you feel better. I'm concerned with your 45 on the test, and think you might wanna talk to a doctor. It is wonderful to be self-reliant, and us with parents who really didn't parent us are great at it, but we have to know when to take help from others too.

Thanks, Jan.

The incidents from gradeschool don't bother me nearly as much as the here and now. Since I live on campus, I'm basically trying to reconnect with people after about a year and a half of solitude - another episode of depression that was horrific.

And basically, it's just like my high school days - all of my guy friend think so-and-so's hot, the girl over in the corner's fat (even though she's smaller than I am), and my girl pals always go on about their boyfriends, and their love lives in general. And I hate it. I almost feel as if I don't belong. Not because I'm a year or two older, but because I'm as big as I am (I weigh about 260. )

As for my depression, I have been trying to get a hold of one of the counselors on my campus. But since the campus doesn't open up again until next weekend, there isn't much I can really do right now, I'm sorry to say.

Well, just one more week and you'll have access to counseling, which can really help. My insurance only pays for 1 session a month, but I go anyway. I think it can never hurt.

I know it sounds impossible, but believe me, there are plenty of men out there who actually prefer larger women. I've weighed anything from 89lb to 230lb and I got the most attention at around 190lb (I'm only 5'2", so that is equivalent to a lot more on a taller person). I was married at the time but it surprised me. So lots of people don't buy into the standards.

*sigh* Im 12 years old and im around about 120 pounds.. Im not very tall either proably only 5 feet max. Im pretty fat... and I need some advice on how to lose weight..

None, 120lb at 5' is not fat.

Hi all,

I'm 27 years old now, but I can relate to everyone's stories. When I was in high school I weighed 180 pounds at only 5'3". I remember how awful it felt to get made fun of by everyone - peers, friends, and even family. I was heavy all my life... I finally had my "Aha" moment as some people call it when I was a senior. I lost about 60 pounds in a year and entered college thin... the first time in my life.

Yet I still remember (like it was yesterday) how terrible I felt everyday of my life. I never felt good enough. I used to go to bed at night wishing and praying that I would just wake up thin.

Now I am older, but I'm still looking for ways to help other kids who feel the way I used to feel. I wish there was something more out there for teenagers who are trying to lose weight. Has anyone here tried Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig? I've always felt they cater too much to the older crowd, but I'm curious to hear your feedback.

Have any of you tried a weight loss program? I tried Weight Watchers, but it was hard for me to relate to the older women. I was also embarrassed to join a gym since I was afraid people would be looking at me funny. Do people still feel the same way today? Like they have to go it alone?

Hey everyone,
I'm really happy to have found a site like this.
Let me get to the point, I'm 19.. and I weigh about 174 pounds. I think I've been chubby as long as I can remember. Last year I found out I have a slight hormonal imbalance which tends to make you gain weight. I'm on medication which has side effects and make me sick.. It's quite horrible. I've tried losing weight on various occassions.. The maximum i lost probably 8 kilos. But a year and a half later it's all back. My parents have put me on diets.. tried to get me to go to a gym.. [they say they worried about my health] but nothing much has worked. I don't even go to the gym anymore.. I get bored with no company. And the main reason is I have no energy. I have a few vitamin defficiencies and so get tired very easily. it's like i come back from college and have no energy to go and work out. i get a few problems every now and then which my parents think are related to being overweight.. so do i recently and have started to worry and i am tired of suffering. i do think i maybe an emotional eater.. and do feel ignored at times [have felt ignored as a child] and eat quite a bit when im depressed. but i REALLY Want to kick this habit this time and get rid of this extra weight.. i just need someone to talk to and a little encouragement and some help.
I guess thats why im here.
Ive also been slightly bulemic in the past. though noone in my family knows about this. my guy friend does and he got me to stop. he says i dont need to lose any weight he likes me just the way i am. but i know i have to, for health reasons only.
thanks to anyone who reads this and will listen

Oops.. also forgot to mention I'm not that tall.. I'm around 5'4..

Zee, suffering from chronic illness at such a young age is terrible. I know from experience, as I'm there myself. In my experience the only thing that really helps is taking charge of your health yourself. You didn't say what disorder you have, but the lack of energy and vitamin deficiencies are similar to what I suffer from with Hashimoto's disease (I also have PCOS and arthritis - the first 2 since I was in my late teens, and arthritis is new now that I'm an "old lady" at 31). I had to research a lot, read books, talk to other patients, to figure out what I could do in terms of diet, testing to monitor my hormone levels, and vitamin supplementation to feel the best I can feel (not gonna lie to you, it is still not as good as when I was healthy, but it is a million times better than at my worst). Besides, being proactive makes you feel good cause you are not a helpless victim of a disease, you are in charge now. It helped me a ton with the depression from the diagnoses.

Good luck. I hope you feel better.

im john halab... my parents gave me this huge obesity problem that ruined my life. ever since i was born my parents always would overfeed me. they say that that eating more makes a body happier, but they just want me to look like them. my parents both weigh near 450 pounds, and its embarrasing to go to mc. donalds with them. i weigh depressingly 235 pounds, and im only 14.
the healthiest i have ever been was when i was five. at five i weighed 92 pounds.... thats the healthiest ive ever been, and its scary to think about. right now my parents normally will take me to mc. donalds every single night, and i have grown to eating so much that without my parent forcing me i get 5 mc. chickens and eat them all like it was only an appetizer. now my parents dont force me food anymore because they know that im so hooked to unhealthy foods that ill eat a lot without them even around. if you saw a picture of me you would seriously never want to see me again. i just wish i could be healthy, and not a big couch potato...

Dear Jan,
Thanks for your reply.
I have been eating quite healthily all ready.. on a daily basis. I guess its just when I'm upset do I kind of binge on sweet stuff [sometimes.]
So the problem isn't really my eating, but then I'm not losing any weight cause I'm totally inactive. And most times I do want to exercise.. but I've got some joint pain [due to lack of calcium I am told] like my knee is hurting and then I really don't feel like. I think you may know what I am talking about...
But I've had just about enough suffering from illnesses the last year and been told most of the time that most of my symptoms are related to obeisity. And so I've really decided to do something about it this time.
My parents have been trying to get to me to do something for about 3 years now.. [as I had mentioned before I did lose about 8 kilos then but put it back on in 1 and a half years] and it never really worked cause I think I wasn't motivated enough. But I've decided I just don't want to be sick anymore.. cause of this.
Though it will really be a task trying to get myself to exercise. [as right now I am suffering from a slight pain in my knee again]
So the only thing is eating healthy and exercise? I've been told it has to be a balance of both.. and without one you won't necessarily lose weight. Cause I've been very careful about my eating.. and get frustrated with no/marginal weight loss. But I guess it doesn't work without the exercise.
Thanks again for your advice I think it really has helped and I appreciate it.

Zee - yes, for me, without exercise, I can't lose weight, no matter how healthy I'm eating. I also need to be taking my vitamins, or I'll lose a bit of weight and it will trigger a thyroid crisis immediatelly - my hair will start falling off and I'll be so tired and in pain I'll soon have to stop exercising. But I know people who lost weight without exercise, so it is not a rule.

As for the binging on sweets, it could be caused by physical reasons: you could be eating too few calories when you eat healthy, or too many high-glycemic foods, which leave you craving sweets. Of course, if it is like "you get upset, then you binge" then it is psychological. Also, most people I know who lost weight with chronic illness control the amount of carb they ate - not Atkins low (although some did), but at most, South Beach / The Zone level of carbs, and they ate more protein cause that helps control the cravings.

John Halab, do you have any adult you can talk to, like the parent of a friend, or a counselor at school? Because if you want to lose weight, your parents should not overfeed you and should supply you with healthy food. If you talk to them, they might not listen, but an authority figure like a counselor might make them see the light. You could talk to the doctor the next time you go too. Good luck.

Katie, there is no specific weight, but at your age and height, I'd say anything between 105lb to 132lb or so. That is just a guideline, so it is not a problem if you weigh a little under or over that, since you are still growing.

Look Shane there are some people out there who are gonna make fun of you because they have problems with theirselves and the only way they feel good about themselves is too make fun of others, so don't let them keep you down. If you don't mind you can email me at wilsonlatalya@yahoo.com and let me know more about you

I think the kids get fat is because they feel so low inside. they find a big bag of chips and eat the whole thing. At school they get made fun of and they just cry because they are being made fun because of their wegiht . they might go home and cut their selfs or try to make suiside . I dont think they should get sad and let someone bring them down . Everybody is different and they do not have the same body weight.

I think the kids get fat is because they feel so low inside. they find a big bag of chips and eat the whole thing. At school they get made fun of and they just cry because they are being made fun because of their wegiht . they might go home and cut their selfs or try to make suiside . I dont think they should get sad and let someone bring them down . Everybody is different and they do not have the same body weight.

My friends and I are doing a project named project citizen. We are studying teen obesity and how it affects a teens world. We would like to find out what the normal weight is for a 13 year old, between 5-6 feet, boy or girl. We can use this on our project and it will be very helpful thank you.
--Brittany

Brittany ... For your project, I'm 13, 5'9", a girl, and 115 lbs.

It's amazing how much the media and people around us have such an influence on us. Everyone has at least once wished they were someone else or had something but would we be happier? honestly does it really matter?
I've always wanted to be what was considered 'normal' but what exactly is normal? Being one of the crowd? I like to stick out, be known for my personality more than how I look. What's so wrong about being different?
I believe people who judge and make fun of everyone else are just sad lonely people who are living in a fake world. They are not happy with themselves and the only way they feel better is to pick on others.
Feel happy about yourself, be your own person, speak out and don't hold back. If people don't want to talk to you or know you, it's they're lost.
There's more important things to worry about like the future.

I'm 16 and 190 pounds. I have been fat since I was born. When I was a kid, I guess, my weight didn't matter. People liked me. They said I was cute. But as i got older, it wasn't 'cute' anymore. I got picked by almost everyone. It hurts because all my talents, my brains, they're nothing because I'm obese.

Now, I'm trying to lose weight. Not because some people in school picked on me, it's because even my own parents and siblings picked on me. It's so hard to lose weight 'on my own', without the support of my family. I have read somewhere that some teens who were successful in losing weight were supported by their family. I just hope everything will be successful for me.

hey. um well. my mum has suffered from depression for years and my family have done horrible things to me and i feel like they've recked my childhood. i dont know what is wrong with me. i used to be the life and soul of every party and place and i had so many friends everyone liked me. and then suddenly something snapped. i started hanging around different friends and i started to feel sad all the time. like right now i came to school feeling happy and then suddenly i have a mood swing and i feel like bawling my eyes out even tho nothing has happened. people think i totally weird just because i do my own thing. im not ugly. im actually quite pretty but people still dont talk to me. why do i have these mood swings. am i depressed? i feel like crying rite now.

wow i cant believe there are so many people that feel like me. im kind of fat but i just feel sad alot of the time. even my best friend ditches me. i wanna be in a band and stuff but im such a reject of the school.

Sarah, try to remember that High School will end eventually. Often that is all I had to hang on to, I'd think it almost like a mantra "I'll get out of here, I'll get out of here..."

The mood swings are normal when you are a teenager, because of hormones. I feel sorry about your family stuff, but eventually, you'll grow up and you'll have a choice to keep them in your life or not, and you'll come out much stronger from all you've faced. Hang in there and feel proud of yourself for what you've accomplished so far.

hiya...im amy im 14 years old and fit ! and my m8s are alwayz telling me how skiny i am and it upsets me because my weight is.. 105 :( is tht bad :'( please can some one put my mind at rest and just say am i under weight ....ok weight......over weight please can some one tell me :( thanks amy x x( when i say fit i swim 2x a week and run like 4x a week )

The obsession with weight and whether you look good consumes more energy than actually doing something about it. Think about this statement for a second or two.

At 5'6" and 212(on a good day), I am not thin by any means, so don't think I am preaching here. When I look in the mirror and the image isn't what it used to be, I immediately say to myself- don't just stand there- do something about it - NOW! Think about how much time you spend thinking about how you feel, look and compare to your friends. Then take that many hours each day and exercise, walk, run, swim, or whatever you feel like; JUST DO SOMETHING PHYSICAL and you will feel so much better.

The best outlet I have found so far is martial arts- specifically, Kung Fu. The workouts can be incredibly strenuous if done as intended or easier if you just move slower. The intensity determines how much weight you will lose and it will not be easy. However, there is a true feeling of fraternity- not like the ones where you have to pledge and disgrace yourself to have friends - but a place where all assist one another with the goal of improving whatever it is you are there to improve.

I was scared to death the first day and made all the usual mistakes- from judging people by their looks to looking foolish myself. Five years later, when any of us walk through the door, we belong and are happy to see each other. This is a great feeling and can assist you in overcoming most problems. They become friends and true brothers and sisters and the personal achievement will drive you to continue.

Blaming yourself, feeling down and berating yourself will of course lead to depression. THE QUESTION IS: In your heart, are you a good person? If yes, treat that good person to some exercise and cut out one helping of non-essential foods daily. If you eat cookies every morning after breakfast- eat one less and over time cut them out alltogether. If you have chocolate bars hidden in your dresser, eat half of the normal amount you would. It will be tough at first, but is doable. It won't take much to notice a difference. We all binge, so don't hate yourself for it. Recognize it and ensure you don't do it again for a while.

Jan,
yeah...ive realised that now..i feel better today. you know its the mood swings again. my friend now has a boyfriend and im freaked she will leave me now...i kno that it will end soon n that is great...cya

I'm glad you're feeling better.

Older and wiser, great post.

Amy, 105lb is probably totally normal. It depends on your height and on how much you've developed - more developed equals higher weight. As long as you are eating a healthy diet and not restricting your food intake, it means it is a healthy weight for you. Don't worry about it. I know, easier said than done, but when you're a teen, you stress if you are too fat, stress if you are too thin... Go read OlderandWiser's post.

do u think so jan im about 5'5 (height!) i have been getting reali moody l8ly and havin mood swings and i dno how to carm my self down any 1 know any thing bot tht ? do u think my weight is ok ? write back people help me lol thanks jan bi amz x x x

Amy 105lb for 5'5" is on the low side, but if you keep eating normally, not restricting food intake, your weight will settle at a good weight for your height. It happens sometimes when you are growing up, you grow tall fast and then your body has to catch up. Don't worry about it.

The mood swings are totally normal too. They suck, but they are normal, with the hormones. When you get anxious, try to do something that you like, like listen to a song you like, or do the old "deep breaths, count to 10" thing. It works. You'll be fine. I promise, every day it will get better.

hi I am 16 years old and i weigh 354lbs I started to gaine a lot of weight in middle school cause bullys would always pick on me because i was fat, then in middle school I got scared cause there would be highschoolers and those same bullys so I started to eat more and more intil i packed on 90lbs that summer then most of them left me alone but some kept on so I desided I wanted to get fatter but now in 10th grade noones even says anything expect for one kid who just yells out when he thinks I'v put on more (which i did but he did not have to say it), I have always been big but now i want to lose weight and am trying but i beng eat...alot, once in 9th grade I was in the locker room and was trying to put my jeans back on and I had already noticed I was growing out of them and the shrit I had on as well, so I sucked in my gut and buttoned them, then when I started to breath the button flew off and everyone started lafeing well to make it worse my gut came out and the zipper went down all the way, everyone started coming up and patting my gut and it just jiggled around so i waited till they all left and put on my shorts and went out...that is when I started to beng eat cause lunch was right after gym and i ate everything i could buy, then the bell was about to ring and these guys who were lafing the most came up and said "hey do you want this?" it was a lunch tray full of browneis and like 8 cheesebergers I started to take a brownie and they sadi "comeon fatty take it all" I was so embarrised I just took the tray and dived in I was really embarrised and ashamed of myself

fat and getting fatter, these feelings of shame are worrying me. Have you considered talking to a counselor, at school or somewhere else if you have access to? It would probably help you. Good luck.

How much should a 13 year old girl weigh?

Firstly, Dave, it is lose and not loose... learn to spell will you? Did you find that comment annoying? Wel, I do apologise, but I said it to make a point. My point is that rudeness to any human being is inexcusable. And my pointing out your spelling error in such demeaning terms will probably not see you swatting up on it tonight, will it?

Yes, it is true that some people have a revelation at a point of rudeness. But it is a culmination of a whole lot of other factors - the difficulty of life as an overweight person, the health status and mental status of the person involved. In my experience the rude moment may have sparked a change, but the shame and depression invoked by it usually means it is not sustainable.

Do overweight/obese people need to lose weight? Without a doubt. But ridicule and rudeness are not the best tools to convince somebody that they need to lose weight or to overcome the personal and lifestyle choices that have led them to be where they are.

And frankly, it disturbs me that any individual can support the notion of being rude and unneccessarily cruel to another human being - and even tout that it is for their "own good". What does that say about the character of the person spewing these insults?

I am all for honest critiques - and have sat down with friends to say, "Hey, babe, you need to change. This is not good for you." That, however, is a world away from demeaning and humiliating someone.

Hi everyone my name is carmella, im fifteen years old, 5'3'' and i weigh about 150 bounds. Weight has always been a big thing not only to me but to my family, my sister has the body of a model and my dad caompares me to her a lot! all I cry over is my wieght and I really want it to stop please help

i myself am a teenager and i think the number of overweight teens is quite sad. i was wondering if anyone could tell me the long term effects of inactivity on the individual and giv me some some strategies to reverse the trend of overweight teens so me and my friends can make peops more aware