Teen Obesity, Shame and Depression

On the other hand ...

You don't want go too far in eliminating all rude experiences directed at the obese. Many people finally have had that "I've got to do something" moment after a rude remark. The more the environment starts to support fat people to the extent that they can go all day without stares, remarks, etc., the more they'll be able to just ignore their problems and think that they are not in trouble and not that abnormal.

Of course, most obese people know at some level that they are obese. They just don't know at the level that puts it at the front of their consciousness as the emergency that they should consider it to be. A "Hey fatso," can do that. Unfortunate, but true.

If depression among overweight kids is a problem, the rudeness and razzing should not be targeted. The kids' reaction to it should be. "Don't get depressed, but realize that you need to loose weight now."

Dave September 8, 2005 10:20 AM

If you believe being cruel to others is a sensible way of helping; you lack esteem and it shows. Your rude comments are spewed at strangers to build your feelings of worthlessness...most bullies words are... No matter what a persons size is or issues are positive reinforcement always get positive results.

Vou
A personal trainer for 8yrs

Dave,

Cruelty never helps anyone, it only makes things worse and can contribute to that vicious cycle. Teens who try to lose weight after a mean remark are not doing so out of an inner-directed desire for health or improved self-esteem but out of deep hurt and fear of others' opinions, emotional states which are not the basis for positive change and are ultimately self-defeating. Some teens become so fearful of their bodies that they become anorexic and bulimic, which have serious consequences for their health.

From your comment, it sounds like you're projecting your own fear of imperfection and vulnerability onto another group of of people and blaming the victim. Truly wise, happy, and healthy people are not enlightened by mean remarks or cruelty but by passion, love, and a hope for a better life.

I was fat as a teenager and I did get some hurtful comments and was put in some embarrassing situations. I do think that the comments made me feel like I didn't fit in and that I was not a normal teenager. I always knew in the back of my mind that I "should" lose weight, but I didn't until college, when I decided that my health was very important and that I needed to address it ASAP. I don't think making fun of fat teenagers is going to give them an "Aha!" moment, as most of them probably ALREADY know the obvious fact that they are overweight. The kids that want to lose weight need to be encouraged and educated on good nutrition and be encouraged by their peers, parents, and teachers to join sports, get fun hobbies, etc. Cruelty is never the answer.

i was a fat teenager who was "treated in a degrading manner" as the article says, due to my being overweight. Now i'm anorexic. Yeah, those rude comments sure were helpful. Overweight people KNOW they are overweight. You can't NOT know. Mirrors, clothing and other human beings will never let you forget.

I am one of those "fat teenagers" you're talking about. I'm 5'7" and I weigh 154 pounds. I am constantely reminded of my weight issue by my father. Believe me, constant criticism and degrading remarks, especially when it comes to your body, is not the way to motivate young girls. It makes me feel like my brain, my talents, my heart, and any other positive attributes i might posess don't matter simply because i'm overweight. I urge anyone who has a preconcieved notion that criticism equals motivation to PLEASE let go of that frame of mind. Dont ever make a young girl, or any girl, or boy for that matter, feel the way my dad makes me feel. To be inadequate in the eyes of the person whose counsil you hold above all others is a pain beyond pain.

Well said Teresa.

Your body is not you - it's just your body.

I don't doubt that constant mocking motivates certain people, but then you wind up with a fairly contemptible person who is who they are, because they feed off of the esteem and opinions of other people.

And that is going to manifest itself in all sorts of other self-destructive behavior, as a result of being unable to resist things like peer pressure.

Then, even a person who loses weight, will, down the road, fail to win the approval of peers in some other way (we all do). And then there's a good chance the stress of that could lead to...eating too much.

Ever see "Heathers?"

I'd rather a world of obsese individualists than a bunch of skinny sheep. Ideally I'd like a world of fit individualists. I'd like a world of fit individuals who arrive at fitness for the right reasons; because they take a stock in their life, and value their own lives so much that they want to live forever (Can you imagine being that happy? I'm not but I want to be and I am working to be.)

Instead we have self-loathing anorexics, depressed bulemics, and a whole lot of really unhappy fat people who are missing out on life entirely because of this one flaw.

I know how much it sucks to take abuse for your weight, though perhaps not what girls and women go through, which seems to me to be more mean spirited, and worse.

But I've grown to...I won't say I care less what others think but I know I should, and am trying to care less what others think...What motivated me to really make an effort was my own personal dissatisfaction with myself. All of the abuse I've ever taken wasn't enough to motivate me until I realized who I wanted to be, and how far short of that I was. And when I say who I want to be, I mean who I want to be, if I was alone by myself on a mountaintop, with no one else around to judge.

(This is where I'm at; I wonder how much of my own experience and conclusions would be true for others as well.)

Even programs which encourage teens to resist peer pressure do so for the wrong reasons. Most of these programs are targeted toward, "Don't do drugs out of peer pressure," or "Don't have dangerous sex because of peer pressure." In other words, "Don't fall victim to peer pressure because you might get hurt." (Notoriously absent from these classes is a naked declaration of how utterly knuckle-draggingly stupid your peers are - at least as stupid as you are, if not more, I have noticed).

These programs have been...to understate things dramatically...unsuccessful.

Kids (and adults, many of whom could use some re-education) should be given affirmative reasons to be individuals and to base their self esteem on their own goals and own standards. The ugly comments from others and the persistent ostracism wouldn't be so wounding if this was the case. In fact, such negative comments would belie the worthlessness of those making them.

(I'm gonna go off topic for a second - this worthlessness is why the trolls on this blog are not worth getting bent out of shape about. Decent (skinny) people who really find obesity distasteful are typically graceful enough to avoid disparaging comments, because they actually have character, and care about maintaining their honor in this regard. Trolls have some serious personal deficiencies they're projecting - which may not have anything to do with weight.)

I wish I knew all of this back when I was a kid. It's all so obvious to me now.

What we ought to have is a National Punch a Smartass in the Nose day. Imagine how things would change if overweight, unattractive, or otherwise socially unacceptable people just responded to insults by dispassionately but firmly punching the disparager in the face.

Just one, sharp, dispassionate (and deserved) bash to the nose.

The whole issue with the Heathers that roam the hallways is one of sanction. They are positively sanctioned - by their tribe or clique or gaggle or whatever you call it - to be disparagers, but unfortunately most overweight people do not deliver a greater negative sanction by beating the snot out of the disparager.

People weak enough to join tribes of Heathers are all about conflict avoidance. Physical pain trumps getting invited to another Heather's house for a purging session anytime.

Not that I would ever seriously advocate physical violence.

Not me.

Never.

Well okay sometimes.

Im fat and i hate myself

You know what you realize you have to do, when people are cruel to you because you are obese? You realize you have to lock yourself at home. That is what I did at least, and I wasn't even a vulnerable teenager when I was obese.

I doubled in size in one year when I was 24. By my 25th birthday, I was twice what I'd been. If I was out and had to eat even a salad or drink a diet soda out, I could hear people going "tsk tsk", rolling their eyes, and talking about me. If I had to go grocery shopping, people would look at my cart and say "do you really think you should be eating that?" - regardless of the food being my diet food or my thin, junk-eating husband's chips (I know, he won't change his eating). When I was anywhere, I'd hear things like "get out of the way fat cow". I took my diet food, so tiny I was eating in a dessert plate, to a dinner party at a relative's once and had to hear a skinny friend of hers who only ate 2 slices of tomato at the dinner say loudly "Wow, you eat all that on your diet? If I ate that much, I'd gain weight!", making everyone stare at me and my food.

This made me terrified of leaving the house. I worked out at home for 1 year, with poor results, because I was afraid to go to a gym at my size. I wouldn't go for a walk or any other type of incidental activity. Luckily I'm not a stress eater, because if I had been, going out in public would have made me binge everytime.

Long story short, I lost the weight, but I still have this huge phobia about eating in public. If I can't eat at home, I'll often skip the meal altogether even though I know it is bad. It took me a while to not be afraid of grocery shopping too.

I know all you rudeness advocates are now gonna say I'm the one with a problem, and that might be true, but think about it: I don't go around telling slutty-dressed women they are dressed slutty, telling guys with bad combovers or mullets I don't like their hair, etc. What gives these people the right to make comments to me?

I'm someone who would be defined as an "overweight" teenager.

When I go to school, I am discriminated and degraded by my peers. when I simpy walk past a group of people, I get comments. When I'm with my friends, strangers still pick on me. So far these comments have only succeeded in making me obsess about my weight. I get frustrated and unhappy. It doesn't motivate me to excercise.

Don't get me wrong though; at my school we have three 2 hour sessions (2 on one week, 1 on the other week). We do strenous activities such as fitness training (weight training, occasionally 15 minute runs around a track), and martial arts. I also continue my excercise at home.

I feel sorry for everyone who believe making fun of fat people will help. 9 times out of 10 it doesn't work.

hiya
im 15 and im overweight and i hate it so much all my friends are like so skinny and i stick out like a sore thumb, belive it or not i found this site because i was on google and typed in "obese teenagers and how to lose weight" this sounds really stupid but i only eat crappy stuff when i get depressed because i have a lot of family problems and to me fatty foods are like a drug and i keep thinking when i take the it will make me feel better but it makes me feel guilty an more ashamed of my body! and whenever we do pe i hate it because i feel that every one is waching me because im not a great runner and im normally at the end. I just wish i could loose my weight im only 15 i dont need all this extra fat i really wish i could loose all my weight for my school prom next year im gonna try it !! lol and to all you other people i think your all perfectly fine just some people express there opinions of you because they think their better but they are sadky mistaken those are the people who have nothing better to do so they judge others to try and make themselves feel above ya !

how much should a 12 year old girl who is 5 feet and 6 inches weigh

Hey everyone. I am currently working on a quality of life competition for my science research class. My topic for this is adolescent obesity. I am aware of the problems with obesity our country is facing today, and I have to say, it is really a shame that you guys feel that ridicule is going to make young kids strive to lose weight. My goal throughout all this research is to improve the food being served in the cafeteria, along with improving the physical education programs, as well as having a nutrtionist constantly present for any questions. Hopefully this will all eventually come to play, and will be of great help to many. My question is how do all of you young teenagers feel about yourself. What do you see when you look in the mirror?

I am 17 yrs old and I have days where im depressed but im kinda unhappy with my body but im kinda not. im only 15lbs overweight which doesnt seen hard to loose but it seriosly is..Is there any way to lose it and be healthy and keep it off?? Plz let me know so I can feel better!